Christmas Dreams and New Year's Wishes
by Kittn D'Kale LaCara
Summary: It's Christmas. Lonely and isolated, Duo finds the courage to call his secret love. Rated M for adult themes not situations and alcohol.
1. Memories

**Part I Chapter 1 Memories **

The lights on the tree sparkled bright in the darkened apartment. Duo sat quietly on the couch staring intently at the beauty of the small evergreen he had decorated for Christmas. It was really the only part of Christmas Duo would have, this year anyway, maybe ever. It had been a few years after Marimeia. The world had waited with baited breath for something to happen on the week of her anniversary, but no evil had arisen. There was nothing more than a few robberies in the big cities and that did not require the strength of the former pilots. Duo almost found himself wishing something had come up. It would give him a chance to see the other pilots, and Heero especially.

Heero Yuy, the closest thing to a best friend Duo had since Solo, not to mention one of the finest looking men Duo knew. After the war, Duo had gone back to Hilde and lived, working scrap with her. It had been a sad attempt to rid himself of the other pilot's memory, especially when Heero showed up every other month or so to ask his help on a mission. Once Duo had asked the silent Preventer why he sought Duo out if he was so obviously annoyed by the "braided baka", but the answer had nearly broke Duo's heart in two. Without a hint of emotion, in his most mono-monotone, Heero had calmly told Duo that he was a last resort. Quatre was busy with his family's empire, Trowa had promised Catherine never to leave her for battle again, and Wufei refused to work with anyone save Sally Po.

Those words were the most hurtful Heero had ever told Duo. After that, Duo had moped about Hilde's small house. She, bless her soul, had tried everything to make Duo happy. Hilde had baked his favorite yummy treats, played his favorite movies and music, even dragged Heero into the house for a regular three day visit. Normally a visit of any sort would have lightened Duo's spirit, but when he saw Heero the hurtful words rang in his ears until he thought he would cry. Duo had covered it up well, had smiled the famous smile that brought him through the war, had joked and flirted with Hilde, but even Heero could see the smile never reached Duo's eyes. Heero had left having hardly said anything to Duo. Not that he would have normally, but the only words he had said gave Duo new hope.

"If you need me, call."

Those words had kept Duo happy for a few weeks, until Hilde had broken down and told him she loved him. Saying that that conversation had been awkward was a complete understatement. There she had sat on the big green couch, looking up at him with those big blue eyes full of tears, with that endearing pout on her lips that would make weak men fall on their knees before her to confess their undying love, and Duo could only mutter in a very small shocked voice that he was gay. Hilde had immediately gone red in the face and ran out of the living room to her bedroom. Duo had sighed heavily, flopped on the couch, put his head in his hands and questioned the workings of a universe cruel enough to give him a beautiful woman who loved him and take away the only man he felt he could ever love.

Duo had gone out to a bar to drink his worries away and come home to Hilde still crying in her sleep. He had stood there, watching her silently, intently just as he was staring at his tree now. It was what the next day had brought that convinced Duo he had to leave her. She had not come down for breakfast, and when she finally emerged for lunch Hilde had avoided his eyes. The one time Duo did manage to make eye contact the hurt and pain were clearly visible, and it tore at Duo's heart to know that he was causing it. In a way he did love her. She was the best girl friend he would ever have, most likely the most loving friend he had ever had, but he could not give her what she deserved. He could not give it because what she wanted from him, he had already saved for the stoic Heero Yuy.

That night Duo was packed and loading up his car. Hilde had watched him from her window, not hiding when he would look up at her. After loading the last of his junk into the car, Duo had turned around and stared up at her. He never did figure out how long they had stared at each other through the window, until she gave a little half wave and broke the stillness. Duo had half waved back and got into the car. It took all of his willpower not to look in the rear-view mirror to see if she had come down, but Duo knew it would only make him feel guiltier so he kept his eyes ahead.

That is why Duo found himself in his current predicament. He had a scrungy, little apartment on the bad side of town, a job fixing cars at a nearby gas station, and no friends. He had not seen Hilde once since he left her, though she called every so often to ask him how he was doing. It gave Duo little comfort because the pain was still evident in her voice, but it was more contact than he had had with the object of his affections. Heero could easily have found him with that boy's superior skills, but Duo had not received one phone call or visit. To give Heero a little credit, Duo had to admit he had not called. Not for lack of trying, but every time he started to dial the Prussian eyed god's number he lost his nerve and hung up again.

Duo's thoughts ran through his mind rapidly as he sat on his sixty billionth hand couch, holding his cell phone loosely in one hand, a bottle of JD in the other, staring at his Charlie Brown Christmas tree with its one strand of lights, half strip of garland, 10 bulbs and his black hat as a topper. Staring at his tree, Duo suddenly smiled at the memory of what kept him so low on money. It was not a car, Duo had sold his, and it was not some computer or another although his old one still worked ok, but the many war orphans still roaming the streets in his part of town. Duo gave to the churches and any kid who stopped him as often as he was able and still live. Make no mistake, he still had his luxuries, like nice, black, silk boxers for example, but things like a Christmas tree being well decorated could be put to better use than for his enjoyment. Duo had even started saving half of his check so maybe one day he could adopt one of the orphans.

Duo looked down at the phone in his hand and back at his tree. _I have been wishing for him every night, dreaming of him, torturing myself. Well, my Christmas wish is to see him. It's not like he knows how I feel…why should I be __nervous?_ Duo asked himself. A tiny voice deep inside him answered with a quick, but painful reminder of Heero's words.

"_The others are indisposed. You are the only one available." _

"_Oh, well, I guess that means you are stuck with me." Duo gave Heero a big grin._

"_Hn…" Heero kept driving, paying no attention to Duo._

In an attempt to rebuff that painful memory, Duo took himself back to the last day he had seen or heard from Heero.

"_If you need me, call."_

Making up his mind, Duo lifted the phone and dialed Heero's number. He waited anxiously wondering if he would chicken out, but before he could, the phone was answered and Heero's sweet voice was in his ear.

"Yes?"

Duo rolled his eyes, _leave it to Heero to answer with yes instead of hello. _"Hey! Heero buddy! How are ya?" Duo hoped his voice did not sound overly cheerful, but he was happier than he had been in a while.

"Hn…" (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: Same as usual.) Heero grunted the expected response and Duo felt himself grin.

"Hey, uh…if you don't have anything going on…I thought you know….maybe we could get together tomorrow night. It's been a while since I bugged you last, I don't wanna get too rusty."

"…ok."

"Five sound ok to you? We could grab something to eat." Duo said trying to contain his happiness. He was going to see Heero again! His golden Adonis! The man whose body he craved and worshiped!

"Yeah, all right."

"I trust a smart guy like you doesn't need directions so I'll just let you go. C-ya later!"

Just like that, Duo hung up. For a minute he just stared at the phone in his hand and wondered if it really had happened or if he had just imagined talking to Heero. Suddenly Duo looked in panic around his apartment. It was not exactly what you would call furnished. Good thing he did not have to work tomorrow, so he could clean it. _Like Heero would care. We stayed in worse places on the mission to L2._ Duo smiled and went into his bedroom. He flopped down on the bed like a school girl and daydreamed about what the day would be like. One thing was for sure, if he never got the nerve to call Heero again, Duo would have to make tomorrow special. As he drifted off to sleep visions of Heero, naked and warm in bed with him, filled Duo's head instead of sugar plums. Sleepily he wondered what Heero would like for Christmas.


	2. Cleaning and Seeing

**Chapter 2 Cleaning and Seeing **

Duo surprised himself by waking early the next day. It was almost 10 am when he rolled sleepily out of bed and blearily looked at the clock. Snow was falling softly outside onto the street, and Duo looked around wondering what had awoken him. It was then that his mind cleared and he remembered his phone conversation last night. The frenzy that followed was a true testament of how happy Duo was that day. He immediately got up and, ignoring his usual feelings of laziness, cleaned his apartment top to bottom. It only took him a couple hours because there were only three rooms.

While cleaning the refrigerator, Duo had to plug his nose. _Man! What died in here?_ He pulled out containers faintly resembling food items, but nothing he could put a name to. On one side of the fridge a steady growth of green mold crawled its way over the wall. Holding his breath and stretching his arm as far as it would go, Duo managed to clean the mold and clear the containers. _Well, I definitely have to restock, at least so it looks like I eat here. Shit like this makes me appreciate everything Hilde did. I should call her too and wish her a Merry Christmas._ With that, Duo grabbed his jacket and walked to the corner market.

Duo came back with his arms loaded down with groceries. Leave it to a neighborhood like this to actually have an open market on Christmas. Quickly Duo put the groceries away. He felt a small pang of guilt for dipping into his adoption fund, but it would be worth it. Getting a rather stupid thinking expression on his face, he tried to remember whether he had said they were going out to get something to eat. He had gotten pots, pans, silverware, and stuff for dinner just in case, but he wished he could remember. _Oh well, I'll make dinner anyway. Bet he doesn't know I can cook._ With a grin, Duo checked the time. He remembered very well the time Heero would be showing up and he only had an hour and a half left. Duo still needed to wrap the gift he had picked up, take a shower, start dinner, and put the new decorations he had bought up. Thanking his luck at knowing a quick and easy recipe for roast duck, Duo started dinner and hopped into his shower.

An hour later, Duo had decorated his apartment, re-decorated his tree though he left his cap as the topper for laughs, and had Heero's gift sitting nicely underneath it sporting an oversized bow. There was a wreath on his door, a Santa candy dish on his TV, and a candy striped couch cover on his couch. Duo's windows were sprayed on the inside with fake snow and he had bought a Christmas toiletry set for the bathroom. Even his bedroom was decorated with Christmas candles instead of the usual black ones. All in all, Duo's spending spree had only cost a couple of hundred which he could easily replace in a few weeks. His guilt about dipping into his adoption fund completely vanquished, Duo checked his watch. Heero would be there in fifteen minutes, dinner would only be another five, and Duo was getting dressed in the special clothes he had gotten.

The buzzer for the door rang at five sharp. Duo nearly yelled and jumped in his excitement, but he curbed it. Walking over to his speaker, Duo pressed the button to open the door. He hurriedly surveyed himself one last time in the mirror. _I'm acting worse than Hilde when she went out on dates._ Duo smiled to himself as he looked at his image. He was in a dark green turtleneck that had HO HO HO knitted in red across his chest and it was a size too small just to show off his muscles slightly. His pants were black, but unlike his regular ones they were khakis. All in all, Duo thought he had gone over the edge, but they were fun clothes and he felt funny.

A knock on his door signaled that Heero had arrived. Duo walked out and checked the dinner before opening the door. The same Heero as old greeted him with a slight glare, a Preventer coat, green muscle shirt, and blue jeans. There was a small package under his arm that looked suspiciously like a present, but Duo chose to ignore it. If he picked on Heero about something like that, Heero was likely to just take it away.

"Hey, Heero buddy! What's happening? Glad you could make it, come on in and I'll give ya a tour." Duo pulled the door open and swung his arm in the general direction of the living room.

Heero stared at Duo for a minute before stepping inside. He went straight to the living room and looked around while Duo took the duck from the oven. He saw Heero looking from him to the duck. Duo had to hide a grin when Heero's monotone came out to him.

"You cook." It was a statement as though Heero were surprised, but his voice betrayed nothing of what the man might be feeling. It never did.

"Yeah, with the way I eat I had to learn sometime." Duo laughed.

Heero simply grunted and went back to looking around Duo's small living room. Duo started to set the table and put the finishing touches on the dinner. He got out some wine that would go perfect with the dinner and sat it in the sink where there was a pot of ice waiting.

"While this chills why don't I give you that tour?" Duo said and walked over to Heero. "I'm sure that after five minutes of staring at the living room you know it's the living room."

Duo excitedly took Heero down the small hallway to have a peek in the bedroom and a look at the bathroom. Heero remained silent through everything, but it was not as though Duo expected him to be very articulate. Duo had come down slightly from the giddy happiness he had felt at first seeing Heero after nearly six months. That did not mean he was any less happy. It was definitely nice to see him and not be drooling over how hot he looked or thinking about how much more wild Heero's chocolate brown hair would look splayed across Duo's pillow. Duo felt the familiar thoughts start fueling a familiar fire in his groin and quickly stifled it. This could be the last time he saw Heero for another six months and Duo intended to make it count.

"So, you still working as Relena's personal bodyguard?" Duo asked. It was a normal thing Duo always did around Heero, attempt small talk only to have a one-sided conversation with the occasional grunt to let him know he was not talking to himself.

"Yes." Heero said in between a bite of the dinner they had sat down to eat. Duo could not tell if he liked it or not. _Curse that damn mask he's always wearing. I bet he's double yummy when he smiles. _

"Is she still annoying as she was during the war?" Duo attempted again.

"Hn." (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: sometimes.)

"Ok, enough about frost queen, have you seen the guys lately?"

The conversation continued through dinner in the same manner. They talked, more like Duo talked, about stupid things like how the world was today and how the other former pilots were. To his own ears, Duo sounded like he was nervous and hoped that to Heero he sounded the same as always. Somehow the conversation turned to what Duo's life had become after he left Hilde to live on his own.

"Yeah, so that's how I ended up here. It's not a bad place or a bad way to live. I do my work like any normal Joe, get a paycheck, and stay low. I hated those first two months when every reporter for miles flocked to see the 'Gundam Pilots: Saviors of Man'…" Duo held up his hands and made an odd face to show exactly what he had thought of it. "Too bad there are still orphans running around though. I help when I can, but there isn't much I can do. I'd just hate to see more kids end up like us, fighting in some awful war. Knock on wood. Anyway, it feels good to be normal and not remembered for the millions of soldiers you might have killed, ya know?"

Duo paused and waited for Heero to nod. In this pause, Duo noticed they had both finished dinner. He had not made anything for desert, but there was something special he had picked up during one of his more depressed periods.

"Well, since we are done with dinner, I guess its manly hang-out-in-the-living-room-and-drink time." As Duo said this he pulled a bottle of Wild Turkey from the refrigerator and two shot glasses from the cupboard. "Just let me clear a bit of this away so it won't be such a bitch to clean."

Duo picked up a bit of meaningless things from the table and started putting them away and to soak when he noticed Heero has begun to help him.

"You don't have to…" Duo began but Heero cut him off.

"I want to." Heero said lower than usual and began to wash.

Duo was really happy. Not only had Heero actually managed a sentence, but he was being unusually helpful. Duo could have said something like the wise-ass he was except he did not want to ruin the moment. He simply got a towel and began drying and putting away the dishes Heero had washed. Duo could not stop himself from humming "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" under his breath and was surprised Heero did not glare at him like he usually would have. It surprised Duo more when Heero began an off key hum that sounded suspiciously familiar to the one Duo was humming. The only thing that stopped Duo from dropping his jaw was the assumption that if he stopped humming then Heero might stop too. Duo did NOT want that.

It was really nice to be in that situation with Heero, almost like they were together. Duo found it very easy to pretend that it was true with Heero standing there washing beside him, the lights of Duo's tree reflecting prettily in Heero's deep Prussian eyes. _Gah! He's a god! At least he's with me for Christmas night._

With the both of them cleaning up it did not take long. Duo was almost sad for it to end, but afterwords Heero picked up the Wild Turkey and headed into the living room. If Duo did not know better, he could believe it was Heero's apartment by the way he was acting. Duo just smiled and followed Heero into the living room, blessing the fact that all he had was a couch so even if Heero had wanted to sit away from Duo he could not. Setting the glasses on the table, Heero let Duo pour the first round while he browsed Duo's movie selection. Picking out an old action movie, Heero popped it in. Duo was pleased with the movie and sat quietly on the couch throwing back shots of good liquor. Once in a while he would make a comment on the movie, but for the whole Duo stayed quiet. Much to his surprise Heero stayed long into the night.


	3. A Knife?

**Chapter 3 A Knife? **

Duo woke the next morning still on his couch. His own black comforter had been taken off the bed and thrown over him, he guessed by Heero, who seemed to have left. His jacket was no where to be seen and Duo could not hear him in any other part of the apartment. Were it not for the half empty bottle of Wild Turkey, the two shot glasses, and the fact that the last movie Heero had chosen was still in the player, Duo would have thought he had dreamed the entire thing. Feeling a distinct sense of loss, Duo thought about why Heero had left so early, but quickly chided himself. _Why shouldn't he leave? It's not like he lives here. It's not like you have a hold on him. He probably didn't mean to stay as long as he did anyway. At least you got to see him at all._ With that thought, Duo forced himself to cheer up.

He felt much better after a shower and some breakfast. It was not until then he noticed the small package under his tree was not the one he had put there. Thinking that Heero might have left him a present, but not daring to hope, Duo went over and picked up the package. A note was left next to it, but for the moment it was forgotten as Duo stared at the simple red wrapping. The present he had wrapped for Heero had been blue with little snowflakes on it; this was definitely meant for him. Duo carefully opened it feeling as though it would be wrong to even tear the paper a little. He noticed how perfectly it was wrapped and smiled. Only Heero would make it perfect. Inside the paper was a plain brown box that held no written clue as to what treasure lay within.

Duo became aware that he was holding a nervous breath and let it out before opening the box. Inside was a small knife. It was obviously old and worn, but the blades were still sharp enough to cut Duo's finger as he brushed it feather light over them.

"Ow!" Duo stuck his finger in his mouth on an impulse and looked at the knife again. There seemed to be something oddly familiar about it. It looked like a standard Swiss army knife any boy scout would use.

He had been so intent on the knife that Duo had not seen the other objects inside the box. Now he turned it upside down on the table and let the contents spill out. When he lifted the box there was a yellowed piece of paper and a pair of black gloves. Duo could see right off that the gloves each had gold embroidered crosses on the back and tip of each finger. He smiled and put them on before going back to the paper that lay on the table. Turning it over, Duo could see it was not just a piece of old yellowed paper, but an old, yellowed photograph instead. The picture itself was not that old and Duo could not help wondering what Heero had put it through to make it so worn.

The picture showed Heero and Duo outside a warehouse. They were in full assault gear and Duo looked very happy. Heero was the same as usual, if not a little annoyed looking. Heero held his gun loosely in one hand while he stared at the arm Duo had flung over his shoulders. Duo had taken the picture himself right after the LaGuardia mission half a year ago. The mission had been successful, but only barely. Duo had panicked and insisted on buying a disposable camera to take pictures of him and Heero. He had told Heero that the mission had been more fun than usual and wanted to remember it well, but Duo really just wanted pictures of Heero. The LaGuardia mission was the closest Duo had ever come to losing Heero and had realized that should he actually lose the boy, Duo would have nothing but memories. He had filled the entire camera with pictures. He had given Heero doubles of them all.

Duo still could not see how the knife fit into this. Picking the knife up again, Duo plopped onto the couch and pondered the knife's importance. _I don't carry a knife, now or ever. Heero knows that. The only time I carried a knife was the LaGuardia mission and it had been something I found in the cell. Could this be the same knife?_ Duo closed his eyes as he remembered the mission.


	4. Cell Mates

**Part II Chapter 1 Cell Mates **

"_HEY! Easy buddy, I ain't going no where." Duo said grumpily to the guard who roughly pushed him into the cell. He was paying so much attention to the guard, Duo did not notice that someone else was in the cell with him._

"_Hn."(Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: Hey, watch it!) _

_ Duo peered through the gloom of the small cell and tried to place the grunt. Heero stepped out of the shadows and into the small square of light coming from the hallway. _

"_Hey, they got you too?" Duo asked the stoic boy._

_ Heero just gave Duo a glare and stepped out of sight. After a few minutes, Duo's eyes adjusted to the darkness and he was able to see the slight furnishings they had been allowed. In one corner was a cot (no metal or cloth but all plastic), a dish for water (again plastic), and a hole of concrete in the corner. Judging by the smell currently wrinkling Duo's delicate nose, that place had seen a lot of business. Duo looked around for Heero, but it was hard to see him in the dark. Finally discerning Heero's shadowy outline near the cot, Duo walked over. Heero was staring at the cot, the ONLY cot. Looked like they were going to have to share. Duo smiled at the thought of having an excuse to sleep so next to Heero, even if it was just a small cell and imprisonment. _

"_So, do you like to sleep on the left or right?" Duo said with a small laugh. Heero ignored him and sat down with his back against the wall and his legs sprawled in front of him._

_ Duo sat next to him and mimicked Heero's position. The air was thick so Duo decided to keep up a running commentary. He talked about the bricks on the wall, compared the smell to all the horrible things he could think of, played a solo game of I'd-rather-be-anywhere-but-here, and stated observations about the handcuffs that had been left on both of them before Heero decided he had had enough and glared positive death at Duo. Not that Duo could really see it in the dark, but it was eerily tangible. Duo could feel the annoyance of Heero's glare cutting through the dark and burning his skin. Either that or the frigid air of the cell had finally numbed Duo to the point where he burned with cold. Cutting off abruptly, Duo turned to look at Heero and shrugged his shoulders a bit._

"_You could always ask for a different cell. I need to have noise or I'm gonna go nuts and since you are so desperately talkative…" Duo drifted off with a pointed look of his own and Heero turned away. "So, do you have a plan or something, Mister Perfect Soldier Man?"_

"_No." Heero said in his usual monotone. _

"_Oh." Duo said letting a little despair slip into his voice. Then a sarcastic idea came to him and he could not keep it from leaking out his mouth, "I do. I plan that we should escape and complete the mission." _

"…" _(For those of you who don't speak dot: Idiot.)_

_ Duo winced when he realized his sarcasm did not even earn a grunt from Heero. Duo got up and bounced around the cell for a while to expunge some energy. It was hard for a person like him to be cooped up in such a dank and gloomy place for long. He hated getting caught although he always seemed to manage it somehow. Duo was in the middle of trying to stand on his head with the handcuffs on when a guard came to unlock the door. _

"_Prisoner 1192 come forward. Prisoner 1291 stays here." _

_ Duo waited for the guard to say more but he did not. Heero stood and looked at the guard a moment. It must have brought a touch of satisfaction to him to see the guard flinch slightly under the intense glare. Heero left with the guard. Duo was actually relieved that it was not him. He did not wish any torture or questioning on Heero, but was not above admitting Heero could probably take it better than he himself could. Not knowing what to do, Duo sat on the bed and stared at where the ceiling would be if he could see it. He must have dozed off because he fell off the bed with a jolt when the door opened shining light onto his face. The same guard that had taken Heero out threw him back in with a force that knocked Heero off his feet. He landed roughly on the hard ground._

"_Prisoner 1291 is to be stripped and administered forty lashes." The guard waited for Duo as though he would just get up and rush out for his lashing._

"_Fuck off." Duo said before kneeling down in front of Heero. Surprisingly the guard waited patiently for Duo to help Heero over to the bed. Duo sat him up in the light and heard the sharp intake of breath as Duo touched his right arm. It was broken or at least fractured, that much Duo could feel. What Duo could see was almost worse; Heero's face was beaten, bruised and bleeding. The normally soft lips looked as though they had been chapped for weeks and blood was running down in one of his eyes. However, both eyes were open in a show of defiance and Duo was inspired to see that not a sign of pain gleamed in them._

"_Prison 1291 come out or be brought out." The guard said at last. Duo looked hatred over at him. A smart reply was on the tip of Duo's tongue when he heard Heero whisper so low that for a moment, Duo did not think Heero was really saying anything._

"_Go. Be strong. Don't say anything not even a smart ass comment, and don't do anything stupid."_

_ Duo straightened and, without looking back at Heero, tried to do an impression of Heero's glare. It was not very effective, but Duo did not mind. He was sure Heero had a plan now or else he would not have said anything. Duo walked out of the cell and went with the guard. Apparently, whoever was keeping them prisoner did not consider them a threat beyond needing handcuffs for Duo was not blindfolded. He did not really need to be. The blinding light was enough to have him squinting most of the way. The guard led him down a blank white hall, through another blank white hall, into a blank white room, down another blank white hall, and through a blank white door into a blank black room. The sudden change in color startled Duo and he blinked his eyes a couple of times. _

"_Please, sit down prisoner 1921." A wickedly sweet voice sounded from across the room._

_ Duo could not see a chair or whoever was talking to him. It sounded like a woman, but he could not be sure. It would have been weak to admit his eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness again after so much white so Duo just stood there. _

"_I asked you to sit." The voice was still sweet but just a little quieter. _

_ This time the guard who was still apparently behind Duo forced him forward and into a chair. Duo wondered how the guy could see anything, but pushed it out of his mind. That information for the moment was irrelevant._

"_So prisoner 1291, strong and silent or deaf and dumb?" The voice was mocking him now. Duo was about to become his chatty self when Heero's warning popped into his mind._

"_I see you are quite the charmer like your partner. Tell me who he is." _

_ It was not a question or a request but a demand. She, if it was a she, was used to being obeyed. Duo filed that away with the sarcastic thought that they all sounded like that, but still considered it might be important._

"_Why don't you ask me why I have ordered you be lashed?" _

_ Duo was beginning to hate the voice. It was as diverse as Heero's was monotone. Every time she addressed him her voice sounded different. It had gone from quiet, to quieter, to mocking, to commanding, and now it was indulging. She wanted him to ask her, but he had already guessed it was because of something Heero had done…or had not done._

"_Fine. If you won't cooperate we'll just have to get on with your punishment. Though if it were me, I'd want to know what I was being punished for." _

_ She was back to being quiet and now sounded as though she could be talking about anything. It sounded like she was chatting with him over tea or something. Duo was disgusted with her but had no way to show her that without saying something. Instead he spat and got out of the chair to get on his knees in the dirt. It was his way of saying 'Go ahead, let's get it over with.'_

"_I did not tell you to get out of the chair. An additional ten lashes will be administered. You will soon learn, as well as your partner, that though you are prisoners you will do as I say."_

_ By this time Duo's eyes had adjusted and he could dimly see the outline of a chair and a desk in front of him. The chair was turned around and he could not even see a figure or outline to give him a clue whether it really was a woman he was speaking, or rather not speaking, with._

_ He had expected to get whipped there, but instead the guard led him back out into the hallways, blinding Duo temporarily again. It was one of the blank white rooms the place's decorator seemed to specialize in that Duo was lashed. At first he had to bite back a scream, but eventually his would be screams turned into would be gasps and then into would be winces. By the fiftieth lash Duo's back was numb with pain and caked in both dried and fresh flowing blood. He was dragged back to the cell and thrown in much as Heero had been. _

_ This time the guard simply closed and locked the door. Heero waited for the guard to go on his way before helping Duo over to the bed. While Duo had been gone a bowl of water had been brought in with a tray of food. The water was obviously for washing their sores because it had an acrid type of smell. That told Duo the woman, or whoever, wanted to keep them alive as long as possible. Heero had already cleaned his wounds for the water was tinged a slight pink color. He had already set him arm too for which Duo was glad. It had wigged him out the one time Heero had set his own leg after they met. _

_ Heero pulled Duo's shirt off (the guard had put it back on after the lashing and it was now stuck to his back) and began to gingerly probe the lashes. It still hurt a lot, but Duo only gasped and winced a little. He could not help notice the feel of Heero's able fingers on his back, even if it was just because he was injured and could not get to the wounds himself._

"_It does not appear to need any stitching." Heero said in his quiet monotone. Duo smiled._

"_Good, I'd hate to have to sacrifice a shoe string." _

"_Hn." Was Heero's only reply before he began to gently wash the blood away. (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: (sarcastic) Very funny.)_

_ Duo felt silent and tried to concentrate fully on Heero's touch instead of the pain. He was actually sad when Heero was done. Instead of expressing it, Duo laid still and waited for Heero to say something. It was no surprise that he did not say anything._

"_I didn't say anything. So ya wanna tell me why they cut the hell outta my back?" Duo asked. _

"_Good. I did not say anything. Eat something then rest." Heero said simply._


	5. Scars Ewww!

**Chapter 2 Scars, Ewww! **

_ That was how it was for a week with only a few variations. Twice a day each of them were taken out of the cell one at a time to be tortured in some random way and asked questions of by the same mysterious voice. Neither had been able to get a look at the voice's owner but both agreed that it was definitely a woman. She always asked the same questions and took them out in the same order. A bowl of acrid smelling water always waited for Duo when he got back. After about the third time, Duo began to consider breaking the silence and telling the bitch off, but each time it seemed Heero read his mind and would remind him that the silence was annoying her. Duo would calm down, take his torture and come back to the welcome feel of Heero's hands. How in the world Heero got to his own injuries Duo would never know, but no matter what happened to Duo, Heero always took care of it. At first Duo had thought it was just because Heero thought he was too weak to handle the torture and then take care of his wounds on his own, but by the end of the week Duo had begun to believe Heero just wanted assurance Duo was not fatally wounded or something like that._

_ It made Duo feel a bit happier to think that Heero did not want anything happening to him. He wished that just once in the night he could turn to Heero and give him a hug or whisper his fingers over the other man's cheek. Duo contained himself well. _

_ The end of the week came and surprised them both when the woman had them both brought before her at the same time. Duo and Heero had kept silent the entire time, only speaking to each other and it was more and more obvious that this angered their "host". It also raised the question "Why hasn't she separated us?", but they remained in the same cell. That gave them the advantage of being able to plan together their escape and the completion of the mission, but unfortunately they had been unable to come up with any ideas._

_ There were two guards this time, one for each prisoner. After retrieving Duo and Heero from the cell, the guards took them down the same route as always and pushed them into the usual room where the woman waited. The room looked the same as it usually did with the stark darkness and the outline of a chair with its back to them._

"_I see you have arrived. Good. Sit." _

_ Accustomed to the command and by now well acquainted with the general area the chairs would be in, Duo and Heero moved forward and sat. True to the woman's predictions, they had learned to follow her less important orders. For Duo it had been a painful lesson._

"_You are both before me today because you have information I need and I don't seem to be getting it interrogating you alone. This week you have flown easily by my anger, but my fuse is getting rather short, as is my time. Your silence has been an annoyance that I will no longer tolerate. Now, listen carefully __for though I am addressing both of you I shall only ask my questions once."_

_ Here the woman paused and seemed to gather herself. The chair swiveled, startling the two pilots as the woman stood and placed her hands on the desk about shoulder width apart. It was dark and hard to see, but what Duo could see was enough. The woman's hair hung around her head, swaying gently by her jaw line. Her dress covered her completely and was entirely black; there was not a gleam of flesh to be seen at all throwing the flesh of her neck into light. Her neck seemed to glow in the blackness and the scars crossing her neck glowed even brighter. Duo was horrified at the ugliness and quickly averted his gaze only to be more horrified as he looked directly into her face. _

"_Perhaps I can arrange for you to get a picture, it will last longer." _

_ It was then that Duo realized he was staring, but still could not stop. The same scars that marred her neck also crawled over her face. Her hair hid a lot of it, but no woman deserved a face as mangled as this woman's. The scars turned what should have been beautiful or at least comely into a monster. Even if this woman had been one of the good guys her face would turn any one she looked at insane. Duo could not help wishing she would sit back down and turn back around so he would not have to think about how she had been so badly scarred._

"_Now, tell me what your names are." The woman ignored Duo's obvious staring though he could see it angered her to no end._

_ The question brought Duo back to reality. He waited for Heero to lead him; after all, Duo had been following his lead from the beginning._

"_Fine. Tell me who sent you." _

_ Again each pilot stayed silent. Duo had stopped staring and was now looking at the desk. Thankfully he could not see anything on the desk and the woman's hands were gloved or something._

"_Ok. What was your mission?" _

_ At this time, the woman sat back down. She folded her hands in front of her and looked at them intently. Beside him, Duo could hear Heero's breath lightly stirring the air and hoped that Heero was thinking of a way out of this stupid imprisonment._

"_This was your last chance. If you won't speak I have no further use for you. Execution will be in one hour. I'll see you there." _

_ With that the chair swiveled and the woman disappeared out of sight. Heero and Duo were taken back to the cell and shoved inside. The cuffs were taken off as they had been for a few hours ever since the third day of imprisonment. Rubbing his wrists and swinging his arms to put some circulation back into them, Duo looked over at Heero and noticed the way Heero's head hung as he sat on the cot. Hoping it did not mean what Duo thought it meant, Duo sauntered over to Heero and sat beside him._

"_So, I don't suppose you have a plan?" Duo asked him._

"_No." For once, Duo could hear something in Heero's voice but tried not to think too keenly on what it was._

"_Well, what should we do?" Duo asked completely lost._

"_Hn." Heero's grunt struck Duo hard. (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: I don't know.)_

_ Unable to sit there and face the oblivion trying so desperately to catch his eye, Duo got up and walked around the cell. Since there was nothing really better to do, Duo leaned against a wall and started lightly banging his head against it. He turned around and slid down the wall uncaring of what grime was on it anymore. At the very bottom, Duo fell on his ass with a bump and hit his head hard against the wall. Duo looked back up toward the ceiling and noticed a bit of movement. _

"_Now what is thOW!" Duo clutched his head as something hard and very solid hit it. He heard a clank as whatever hit him fell on the floor to his right._

"_What was that?" Heero asked. Duo just sat where he was clutching his head. Heero got up and came over to him. "What hit you?"_

"_I don't know, but it hurt." Duo said and felt off to his right. His hand found the rough square of half a brick. "It's a brick. I didn't know my head was so hard." _

_ Duo joked and handed the brick to Heero. Heero took it and helped Duo to his feet. Heero began searching the wall around where Duo had been sitting and Duo followed his example looking for the other half of the brick. It only took a few minutes of searching before Duo's fingers brushed over a missing spot in the wall._

"_Found it." Duo said and took Heero's hand to guide him to the spot. Heero promptly pulled out the rest of the brick. Duo probed the hole and discovered that it went farther back. "Hey, there's a hole back here."_

_ Heero stood close to him and waited for Duo to continue. Shortly Duo felt something long and cold. _

"_There's something hidden back here. Another prisoner must have put it there and couldn't find it again." _

"_What is it?" Heero asked and watched as Duo pulled out a standard issue army knife._

"_It's a knife." Duo told him and held it out so Heero could examine it._

_ Heero looked at the knife then at the two pieces of brick Duo had picked back up. Duo waited patiently for Heero to say something. As usual, Heero remained silent and went back over to the cot. Duo followed him and sat back in the accustomed position with his legs sprawled out and the brick pieces held loosely in his lap._

"_Duo." Heero said after about ten minutes._

"_Yeah?" Duo answered hoping that the tone in Heero's voice was a positive one._

"_I have a plan." Heero said._


	6. Time for Action

**Chapter 3 Time for Action **

_ By the time the guards came to pick Duo and Heero up, the plan was perfected as much as it could be. The knife was tucked safely in Duo's shoe, and each of them had a piece of brick resting behind their back as they sat on the cot. The guards actually came into the cell holding .44 Magnums and motioned for Duo and Heero to precede them out of the cell. Knowing that they would have to be quick, Heero and Duo got up still holding the brick pieces behind their backs. The guards motioned once again for them to go out of the cell and while they were nodding their heads Duo and Heero struck. Heero moved faster than Duo, but both did the job. The guards were knocked out and just like that, Duo and Heero were armed. They stripped the guards and put the uniforms on before locking the cell._

_ As Duo was pulling the shirt off the guard he was going to impersonate he took a good look at the eyes. There seemed to be something on them that prevented the eyes from closing. He opened the eyes wider and noticed a thin sheet of something covering the eye. It was too much of a coincidence to think that it was a prescription contact lens so he drew Heero's attention to it._

"_Hey Heero, take a look, there's something on this guy's eyes." Duo held the eye open so Heero could see better then watched as Heero checked the other guard. Heero did not say anything, but reached down to touch the eyeball and came back up with a colored contact. Swiftly, Heero put it on his own eye._

"_Ewww, man that was on that guy's eye! That's just gross!" Duo said but Heero simply took the other one and put that on too. Then he turned to Duo._

"_Transitions lenses..." Heero said simply and stood. Duo was thoroughly grossed out as he put his own on. He discovered that Heero was right and now he could see clearly._

"_Ok, let's go." Duo said and headed off toward the all too familiar room where he counted on finding the woman._

"_Hn." (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: You said it.)_

_ Duo and Heero arrived at the room quicker than they thought it would take. Silently, they hugged the wall on either side of the door. Heero looked over at Duo and gave him the signal to kick the door open. Duo took a deep breath and positioned himself. _

"_Here we come, bitch." With that, Duo kicked with all his strength and busted the door open. Heero went in low and trained his gun on the chair. It did not move so Duo stepped around carefully to check and see if the woman was in it. He was actually relieved when the chair was empty. "She's not here."_

_ Heero holstered his gun and started looking around the desk. Duo looked around the room and thought to himself 'So this is what this looks like'. After a moment, Heero pulled out a stack of papers and handed them to Duo._

"_Stage 1 complete." Heero said and began to head back out the door._

_ Duo folded the papers and put them in one of his pockets. He was about to follow Heero when somewhere behind him glass shattered. It could only have been a bullet that whizzed by him and cut a thin stream of blood from his neck. It grazed Duo, but hit Heero in the back somewhere near his shoulder. Duo swung around and shot the guy standing behind a busted mirror. As the guy dropped, Duo turned back to Heero and saw he was kneeling on the floor. He was breathing heavy and clutching his chest._

"_Heero? You ok?" Duo asked panicking. It looked as though the bullet had lodged itself somewhere in Heero's shoulder._

"_Just go." Heero said and Duo could hear the labor in his voice. _

_ Duo was hesitant to leave him there, but trusted Heero to be ok. After all, Duo himself had shot Heero three times when they had first met and that had not phased the pilot a bit. Nor was Heero phased when he'd had all those broken bones and still jumped out the military hospital to roughly land on the beach below. Sure Duo had had to help him, but Heero had been just fine for the most part. Still, Heero's sudden labored breathing worried him. Quickly, Duo went and peeked into the room the guy was hiding in. It looked pretty big and had another door leading from it. Duo was definitely not leaving Heero behind so he threw one of Heero's arms around his neck and dragged him as best he could. Heero was silent but Duo could hear his damned labored breathing. Doubts began nagging at Duo as he realized that Heero was seriously hurt._

"_C'mon Heero, stay with me. Don't you dare die on me cause I'm not dragging your dead ass out of here."_

_ Joking around was not really what Duo should have been doing, but it made it easier for him to leave Heero's side to search the room. There was nothing in it so Duo picked Heero back up and went through the door. He was not paying attention and was ambushed on the other side by two guards. Duo was forced to drop Heero in the doorway and pulled his gun. He shot one guard and the other surprised him from the side to kick the gun out of Duo's hands. Throwing what punches he could, Duo was holding his own until he went down hard on a counter in the room. He hit his head pretty bad and lost consciousness._

_ When Duo woke up, Heero was holding a still smoking gun and the other guard was dead. Duo could not have been out more than a few seconds. By this time an alarm had been sounded and Duo knew he had to act fast. Not having the time to search for his gun, Duo holstered Heero's and once again picked up the injured pilot. The room was nothing more than a hallway and Duo hobbled down it as quickly as he could with Heero leaning on him. The hallway led to a courtyard and freedom, but Duo knew he could not leave yet. There was still one more phase to be taken care of before the mission was complete, but what about Heero. It was obvious now that Heero needed medical attention. _

_ Scared to death he would lose Heero and his secret love for years now, Duo decided to damn the mission and get out of there. Half way through the court guards surrounded him and opened fire. Duo got a bullet in the leg before he managed to get him and Heero behind a concrete bench and the little cover it offered. Taking out his gun, Duo shot off as many guards as he could. Heero had lost consciousness so he would be of no help to Duo. The bullets were gone and there were still four guards out barraging the two with bullets. Duo's mind was working frantically trying to think of a way out of the situation when the voice he had come to hate rang out._

"_Hold your fire!" Immediately the bullets stopped. Duo sighed but quickly realized he had hopped out of the frying pan and into the fire._

"_Prisoner 1291, come out. Escape is futile, you are surrounded."_

"_Yeah right lady, I'll come out so you can just kill me. Forgive me if I haven't resigned myself to death just yet." Duo said under his breath wishing he could tell it to her, but figured it was better to maintain the silence he and Heero had agreed upon._

"_You can't stay there forever." The voice rang out and Duo could hear her give the command to her guards to sit. _

"_So that's how its gonna be. Waiting games are so boring." Duo said to himself and checked on Heero. The other pilot was still breathing but it did not sound good. Duo was amazed he was not panicking. This was the closest he had ever come to losing Heero. Normally it was Heero saving Duo's butt. _

"_Just don't die on me." Duo whispered and thought hard about the second phase. _

_ Phase two was supposed to be the assassination of the leader of the group. He wished it was the woman but all intelligence reports had indicated it was a man. Pulling out the papers in his pocket, Duo looked them over for a clue. The papers mentioned an Alex Whitings but had no picture. Assuming that was the leader, and it certainly looked that way, Duo wondered how he could trick his way to Whitings. _

_ Four hours went by and Duo still was locked in a stale mate with Heero's wound bound as best as Duo could manage. If Heero did not get medical attention soon, Duo would lose him. Somehow that thought gave Duo the strength to wait for the opportune moment. His patience was rewarded when someone came running into the square shouting for "the boss". _

"_That has to be this Alex guy we're supposed to take care of. What are the chances that I'd get lucky and he'd be here?" Duo whispered to the still unconscious Heero._

"_Boss! Boss! The DNA samples from the prisoners came in; they are two of the five Gundam pilots. It is unconfirmed which two they are, but the lab is running the possibilities now." _

_ Duo could not see the soldier or who he was reporting to, and was too scared to risk popping up to see. Besides, he had no weapon to attack with._

"_Did I ask you to report?" The woman's voice came to Duo._

"_No…ma'am." The soldier's suddenly weak voice replied. _

"_Then why are you doing so?" _

"_Sorry ma'am, but your orders were that the information was to be reported immediately." The soldier hazarded._

"_Ah, yes, but we are in a delicate situation here. Normal rules do not apply."_

_ The soldier and the woman continued the discussion and somewhere in the middle it kicked Duo in the ass. The woman was not some secretary or right hand girl, she was Alex Whitings. The information had been thrown off because Alex was short for Alexander, but it could also be short for Alexandra. Duo smacked himself and rubbed his hand over his face. _

"_Damn incompetent intelligence! The mission was a bust, I might lose my best friend, and now I'm finding out that the MALE leader we need to get rid off is a FEMALE!" _

_ Duo mumbled violently to himself and wished he had a weapon. He looked around the ground for anything to throw or distract her with when his eyes lit upon the bulge in his sock. He still had the knife! One good throw and it would all be over. Providing of course that Duo had a clear shot and he could still throw a knife like he used to in training. Duo strongly preferred to use guns because hardly anyone fought with knives anymore, and there was a low fair fight level for knife combat. Duo struggled with the badly rusted knife to open the blade. Though it was badly rusted, Duo judged the point was still sharp enough to pierce the woman's skull, for that was where Duo intended to aim. One quick, clean blow to the head and there would be no chance of some kind of miraculous survival. _

_ Duo crouched as low as he could and listened for an update as to the situation. It seemed that the soldier had gone and the game of waiting was on again. Duo wondered if he had been concentrating too hard to hear any questions she might have asked, but then realized it would not make a difference because of the silent treatment he was giving her. The problem was that Duo had no idea where her head was and needed some kind of indication if he was going to aim on a moment's notice. He had to trick her into saying something. The longer Duo waited to get Heero help the less chance Heero would be alive for the help to do much._

"_Hey lady, what happened to your face anyway?" Duo yelled hoping that breaking the silence would startle her into speaking. If that did not work, he hoped his reference to her condition would do something. _

_ Duo waited with baited breath for Alex to say something. Just when he thought she was going to stay silent, her voice rang out to him full of rage, but Duo could still hear the confidence behind it. _

"_The first time you speak to me and you make the rudest comment possible?" She sounded angry, amused, and thoroughly confident._

"_Yeah, keep thinking you have me trapped bitch. I know where you are now." Duo said to himself and prepared to stand. He had an idea where her head was and was about sixty percent sure his plan would work. "You got it babe!" _

_ With that final yell out to Alex, Duo popped up fast, aimed and let the knife fly. He did not stay up to see if it reached its planned destination, but dropped as fast as gravity would allow him to. Bullets whizzed by him, but as he hit the ground, Duo noticed the eerie silence. Cautiously, he peeked up and saw with satisfaction the knife had hit its mark. Alex Whitings, FEMALE leader of the current revolution, lay sprawled on the ground with a rusty army knife sticking vulgarly out of her forehead. Her guards were all looking at her and did not notice Duo steal away with Heero. _

"_Thank god it's hard to find smart guards these days." Duo joked to Heero even though Heero could not hear him. They were almost to the door when the sound of a chopper overhead caused the entire base to break out in panic. Guards started running everywhere and though many ran by Duo, he and Heero were ignored. The chopper opened fire and sat itself in the middle of the courtyard. Out of it came Sally Po and Wufei. The Chinese pilot went off on his own errand, while Doctor Sally Po ran straight to Heero and Duo._

"_Hi!" She greeted and immediately checked Heero's condition._

"_He's hurt pretty bad, we have to get him to a hospital immediately. He was shot. What the HELL took you guys so long?" Duo asked her angrily._

"_We had to wait for Heero to get out in the open so the tracker in his body would work!" Sally shouted at him over the roar of the chopper._

"_TRACKER! WE'VE BEEN IN THIS HELL HOLE FOR TWO ENTIRE WEEKS AND YOU HAD TO WAIT FOR A TRACKER!" Duo was pissed. _

"_Calm down! Heero had it inserted after the Marimeia incident! The walls here blocked it out, but we picked up on it nice and strong when you guys got out in the courtyard!" Sally shouted as she handed Heero up to Duo and helped strap him into position. _

"_Where's Wufei?" Duo asked._

"_He went to complete the mission!" Sally answered and rolled her eyes._

"_But the mission is already complete! I have the documents we needed right here and Alex Whitings is dead!" Duo took the papers out of his pocket and handed them over to Sally._

"_He is? Where?" Duo was confused until he realized everyone else still thought Alex Whitings was a man._

"_SHE is right over there!" Duo emphasized the she and pointed to where the woman lay._

_ Sally looked confused and went over to the body, probably for identification. There did not seem to be any means of identifying her, so Sally brought the corpse over and pulled the bloody knife out._

"_We'll use this for identification!" She yelled and spoke into a radio to call Wufei back._


	7. Stressful Healing

**Chapter 4 Stressful Healing **

_ The next hour saw Duo in a hospital room next to Heero. There were tight bandages on his chest that seemed to be restricting his breathing, but Duo knew it was the wound, not the bandages. Duo had been ordered to stay in bed, Doctors thought he might have suffered mild trauma from his bump on the head, but Duo could not lay there all cozy in his bed while Heero needed one of those masks just to make sure he kept breathing. _

_ Sally had examined Heero herself and told Duo in the plainest possible terms that the bullet had half pierced Heero's right lung and stuck there. If they did not operate to remove the bullet then the strain of breathing could drop it fully inside the lung. The hole in the lung would prevent Heero from getting enough oxygen and he would die. Duo had stayed calm, he had sat and looked at his best friend, he had ignored Sally when she left the room and he had been sitting there ever since. The operation would take place in roughly thirty minutes, but Duo was scared to let Heero out of his sight till then. _

"_Hey, buddy. I got you this far, don't die on me now. If you die who will I annoy? Who will glare at me? Who will call me 'baka' and threaten to cut my braid off?..." Duo was trying hard not to cry. He wanted so badly to tell Heero how he felt, just so Heero would know even if it was only in his subconscious. "Who…who will I love." _

_ Duo closed his eyes and put his head down on the bed. Ten minutes later the doctors came in to take Heero away for his surgery. Duo was ushered back into his own bed where he curled into a ball despite his own bandages covering stitched lash wounds. The doctors said he would have scars to remind him of the misery he had gone through, but Duo did not care. He could not stop thinking about Heero. He fell asleep like that, curled in a ball. _

_ Two weeks later Heero was fine. Duo had not left his side once, not even after he was allowed to go. When Heero had come out of surgery and regained consciousness, Duo finally left the room to greet the guest's who had come to see them. There in the waiting room, sitting anxiously around in a circle was Relena, Quatre, Wufei, Trowa, Catherine, Hilde, and a little girl Duo had never seen before. She was holding Trowa's hand and Duo could see she had been crying. When Duo came out dressed once again in the army gear the guard had been wearing everyone surged forward to ask questions of him. Duo was surrounded by attention, but his smile was not because of all the praise and such his presence was invoking, but the fact that Heero was ok. _

"_Is Mr. Heero ok?" The little girl asked him with big doe eyes. _

"_Hey! Where did you guys steal this angel?" Duo asked and was rewarded with a shy smile. He picked her up hiding a wince of protest from his back and put her on his shoulder. "Mr. Heero is fine. Wanna see him?"_

_ Duo could feel the little girl nod and led everyone back to the room he had shared with Heero. When they got inside, the little girl hopped down from Duo and climbed onto the hospital bed with Heero. _

"_Natalie!" Relena began, but the girl ignored her and gave Heero a big hug. Everyone's eyes went wide as she clung to Heero's hurt torso, but the only indication he felt anything at all was a quick flash of pain. It was so quick, Duo could have imagined it except everyone gasped._

"_I missed you Mr. Heero. Why did you stay away so long?" She asked unaware of the pain she was causing._

"_I'm back." Was all Heero said as he took the little girl and gingerly un-wrapped her from him. She stayed on the bed and snuggled into his side._

"_You won't have to go away again will you?" _

"_Not yet." Heero said and though the little girl frowned for a minute she went back to snuggling him and as everyone talked of the mission, Duo noticed she fell asleep._

_ When visiting hours were over and everyone had left Duo took the opportunity to ask about Natalie. At first Heero was uncooperative, but eventually he told Duo that she was Zechs and Noin's child. Duo's eyes bulged and he had to hold a pillow over his mouth to keep from laughing too loud. _

"_Oh GOD! I bet Zechs just LOVES that his child idolizes you." Duo said between gasps for breath._

_ Heero just stared at him and lapsed into silence. It looked to Duo like Heero was nervous, but he had no reason to be nervous about. Sally worked at the hospital they were at so Duo was allowed to stay in the room with Heero. The two weeks it took Heero to recover were probably about to drive him crazy with all of Duo's chatter, but Duo was too happy that Heero was alive to notice. At the end of the week, Heero had carefully dressed in the army gear he had stolen from his guard and walked out of the hospital with Duo. In the main lobby, Duo spied a disposable camera machine and bought one._

"_The mission was a blast! I need to remember this one when I'm old and grey." Duo said jokingly hoping that Heero did not suspect the real reason. These would be his first real pictures of the Prussian eyed god. _

_ Quatre met them outside the hospital and drove them out to a warehouse. It was the one the papers from the mission had led them to. Quatre wanted to take them inside and show them what their suffering had bought. He seemed to think Duo and Heero needed to know. During the ride, Quatre handed Heero a cherry oak case of some kind. Inside was a brand new gun for each of them. The guns were compliments of the proper authorities who should have been able to deal with Alex Whitings._

"_Ah, so they are 'Sorry we are such incompetent fools and one of you almost got killed but thank you for cleaning up the mess for us' presents." Duo said mockingly._

"_Something like that." Quatre agreed with a smile. Duo holstered his, but __Heero stared at it like he had never seen a gun before._

"_Uh,…Heero?" Duo ventured but Quatre shook his head and Duo shut up. _

_ Outside the warehouse, Duo ambushed Heero by throwing his arm over Heero's shoulders and holding the camera out at arm's length, Duo snapped a picture. Duo pranced around taking a lot more pictures and even let Quatre take a few. When the seventeen exposures were gone an annoyed looking Heero gave Duo a weak glare._

"_Done?"_

_ Sobered, Duo nodded and waited for Quatre to unlock the warehouse door. Inside were the makings of a sweat shop. Duo was glad he had been shown because an empty sweat shop meant children who were getting the attention they needed. Afterwords Duo and Heero went to the airport and with that went their separate ways. _


	8. Party

**Part III Chapter 1 Party **

That mission had been the best and worst of his life. Duo remembered every detail like it was still yesterday. Maybe he was reminded by the scars on his back, maybe he remembered because Heero had almost died, but most likely he remembered because it was the first and last time Duo had dared to tell Heero that he loved him.

Duo was still holding the knife when the phone rang. He stared at it for a moment before deciding he was not daydreaming anymore and picked it up.

"Hello?" Duo asked.

"There is going to be a party New Year's at Quatre's. Coming?"

Speak of the gods, it was Heero calling him! Duo suppressed a surge of happiness and forced himself to act normal. '_You just saw him last night for Christ's sake!'_

"Yeah, I'll be there. Pick me up 'k?" Duo asked him.

"Hn." (Translation for those of you who aren't Duo: Sure.)

Heero hung up and left Duo staring at the phone. He could not believe that one crazy Christmas phone call had all of a sudden catapulted his Prussian-eyed god back into his life.

"Five days. I have five days to figure out why he gave me a knife."

Duo took the picture into his bedroom and stuck it in the big frame he had that held all seventeen of the pictures he had taken on that mission. He went and looked at the knife again. It could not be the same knife. That knife had been taken to a lab for DNA identification and after lab people got their hands on things no one ever saw them again. Not only that, but the knife he had found in the cell had been crusted over and there had been a chip of some kind in the blade. The blade on the knife Heero gave him was whole.

"This is going to bug me forever!" Duo said aloud frustrated. "If it's not the same knife then why?"

Duo had to go to work, but the knife remained on his mind all that day. It was there, constantly buzzing in the back of Duo's brain. After work, Duo went to the orphans as he usually did and played with them for a little while. He always did when he needed to think on something. The orphans took his mind off things and showed him what was really important in life at times.

"Hey! It's Duo!"

Duo smiled as the familiar shout rang out. It was not exactly an orphanage he was visiting, but rather a street gang hideout. He encouraged the children to go to a home, but Duo would be one of the last people to force them. Once in a while, Duo would bring them things, little things he thought they would need. Today he had stopped and gotten each of them a new towel, a bar of soap, and a small bottle of shampoo. He could already hear the disappointed moans that it was not candy, but that would be left for another day. Duo knew the orphans would use his gifts because they wanted to please him. They idolized Duo as the war orphan turned hero.

Duo stopped at the door to the warehouse. By this time, all the twenty or so orphans that stayed there would know he was there and would be waiting for him. Duo raised his hand slowly and knocked three times on the warehouse door. In a second the window above the door opened and a small brown head popped out.

"What's the password?" A small voice asked.

"Now I have to have a password? What's up with that Benj?" Duo said laughingly. Benj was the youngest orphan in the whole place. Four years old and Benj was still a sweet little boy, but the streets would change that if Duo did not convince him to go to a home soon.

"Sorry, Duo, but Brent says you need a password."

"Uh, knucklebomb?" Duo tried. That had been the last password he had been told.

"Nope. That was last month sometime." Benj said and started to pop his head back in.

"Awww, c'mon kids! No one left me a note with the new password." Duo said and put on his puppy dog eyes. Benj waited for half a second before breaking down.

"Just a sec." Benj told him and ducked inside. He was talking to the other orphans, probably bargaining to get Duo inside without the password. It did not matter that everyone knew him. Five minutes later the door opened and Benj stepped out.

"Well, can I come in?" Duo asked him smiling nicely.

"I'm spose to tell you the password." Benj said and turned around to knock at the door. This time the head that popped out was Brent's.

"Password?" He said in his most surly sounding voice.

"Queeniecollie." Benj said and the door opened to allow him and Duo to enter.

Once inside, Duo handed out all of the presents he had. Just as expected, everyone moaned. He laughed and launched into an explanation of why they needed to keep clean. Eventually everyone agreed that they should, but Duo could still see they were disappointed. Needing to physically assert himself, Duo convinced everyone to play a game of basketball.

It was a tough game. Duo played hard and acted like his own goofy self, but the kids were getting better with each passing game. At the end, Duo just managed to scrape by with a score of him 30, kids 28. Benj ran up to him and Duo picked him up.

"Gee, Duo, you're getting old." Benj told him. Duo almost dropped him.

"WHAT? I am not! Just because I almost let you win doesn't mean I'm getting old." Duo said and everyone laughed.

"I was only joking, Duo." Benj told him and took his hand.

Duo smiled and told them a story before leaving. The knife had buzzed in his brain, but Duo had forgotten it long enough to subconsciously think about it. He had reviewed the situation a thousand times in his mind and once again went over it while walking home. _The picture, the knife, the note…the picture, the knife, the note…the picture, the knife, the… note…?What note? I NEVER READ THE NOTE!_ The realization hit Duo like a sledgehammer making him break into a run to get home.

The note was still lying there under his tiny tree. Duo had not had time to clean up after Christmas yet. He had completely forgotten about the note and had not read it. Not even bothering to take off his jacket, Duo rushed over to pick the note up. It was not much of a note, even if Heero had not signed it there would be no mistaking who it was from.

_ Duo,_

_ Thanks for having me. Dinner was good. I...I had fun. You mean a lot to me, and so do these. I want you to have them. Merry Christmas._

_ Aishiteru,_

_ Heero_

Duo had no idea what the word at the end meant. It had to be Japanese because Heero was originally of Japanese descent. He would make a point of asking Heero at the New Year's party if he remembered, but for right now the note held no clue as to why Heero had given the knife to him. Thinking back, Duo could not remember Heero carrying a knife either. Duo racked his brain for a reason a knife would be important to Heero, but all he drew was a great big blank.

"Oh hell, the knife be damned. I mean a lot to him." Duo said to himself as he held the note to his chest. "I have proof!

It was the same the next day, and the day after, and the day after that. No matter what Duo did, he could not figure out why a knife was important to Heero Yuy. Finally the night for the party arrived and Duo was still bugged about the mysterious knife. He put it aside though, he did not want to seem ungrateful for Heero's gift. Heero called him a little early.

"Thought we could get there early." Heero's monotone said slowly as though he were thinking hard about something.

"Sure, I can be ready in ten minutes." Duo responded checking his watch. He wondered why Heero would want to get there early and asked him.

"Relena will be there. I need to check the security."

"Buddy, it's Quatre I'm-a-billion-gazillion-dollar-man's pad. I'm sure the security is top notch." Duo laughed, but Heero's monotone came through stubbornly.

"Ten minutes?"

"Yeah. C-ya then pal." Duo said and hung up.

Ten minutes later exactly, Heero buzzed Duo's room. Going over to the intercom, Duo pressed the button for speaking. He was about to say something along the lines of not being ready when Heero interrupted him and asked to come up. Mildly surprised, a feeling Duo was becoming familiar with, Duo pushed the button to open the door.

It was not that Duo was not ready; he was just lacking dry hair and clothes. The shower had been freezing and Duo had already spent five minutes on the phone arguing with his superintendent. He took the freezing shower, but could not dry his hair and talk on the phone at the same time, too much noise. He was still arguing with his superintendent when Heero knocked on the door. Without waiting for a reply from Duo, Heero just came in. Duo did not mind because at the moment he was imagining seventeen different ways to kill his super.

Heero said nothing as Duo hung up, got dressed, half dried his hair and grabbed his jacket finally ready to go half an hour later. In the car, Duo could feel Heero's eyes come back to him periodically and it made Duo wonder if there was something on Heero's mind. It was weird enough for Heero not to have glared at Duo for not being ready, but this glancing over at him thing was extra weird. For once Duo was quiet as he thought about the party. He half hoped Hilde would be there because he had never gotten around to calling and wishing her a Merry Christmas, but on the other hand he had Heero. Duo wished that Heero was his date instead of his ride. It had been hard enough to hide his feelings clad in nothing but a towel when Heero walked in looking good enough to eat. _I wonder if he noticed…_Duo thought a little panicky, but quickly realized Heero would have said something by now. _Unless he's embarrassed…_Duo could not look at Heero for the rest of the ride.


	9. Enter QMan's

**Chapter 2 Enter Q-man's **

Quatre's mansion was just as big as Duo remembered it being. Heero had to stop outside the gate and announce them into this little voice box thing before they could get in. Quatre himself met them at the door and greeted each heartily.

"Duo, it's good to see you again! And Heero, I thought you might show up early."

"You mean we're still early?" Duo asked. How in the world were they still early when he had spent an extra half hour getting ready?

"Uh, yes, you are. An hour early as a matter of fact." Quatre stated in confusion.

"You tricked me." Duo whined as he turned to Heero with his best puppy dog eyes.

"…" Heero looked over at Duo for a few seconds before shrugging.

"Mr. Paranoia here wants to check your security." Duo joked. He was rewarded by a warm smile that was uniquely Quatre.

"Yes, I thought he might. Rashid…" Quatre waited for his Head of Security to step up beside him, "show Heero the security grid."

"Yes Master Quatre." Rashid stepped away with Heero in tow leaving Duo with Quatre.

Leading the way inside, Quatre went on and on about the party and business. It was like he wanted to catch up with Duo, but Duo had never been one for business. He let Quatre talk himself out and then began answering questions.

"So, I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been?" Quatre asked as he poured Duo a brandy. They had gone to Quatre's study to wait for the other guests to arrive.

"I've been around, here and there. Mostly down in the pits, but hey, it's all right. I have an apartment, a job, and some good kids."

"You're a father?" Quatre asked confused. He had been the only pilot Duo had been able to confide in about being gay and that only because Quatre himself was open-minded.

"No, um, some war orphans, gotta soft spot for 'em ya know?" Duo smiled as the brandy seared a trail down his throat.

"Oh. I heard you moved out of Hilde's. She found out didn't she?" Quatre asked.

"Yeah, I had to tell her. The poor thing fell in love with me. I felt terrible, but what else could I do?" Duo asked shrugging his shoulders.

"The truth was all you could give her." Quatre said agreeing with Duo in his own way. "So tell me more about these orphans before the other guests arrive. The latest conferences I've been attending have dealt with the creation of homes for the orphans running around."

Duo sat and told Quatre all he could about Benj and the others. Quatre listened with interest and asked many questions. Finally Heero came to join them and poured himself a brandy before politely interrupting.

"Other guests have begun to arrive. Socialites."

"Ah, yes. It's too bad I had to ruin a New Year's party with people whose intentions I am unsure of. I'd much rather be spending a quiet evening with you, Duo and the other pilots and such, but I am who I am."

"Got that right, Q-man!" Duo laughed before downing the rest of his brandy.

He almost choked when Heero held him back when Quatre stood to leave. There was a weird light in Heero's eyes that made Duo's breath catch, but he covered it up and hoped Heero had not noticed. Quatre had noticed and to help Duo cover he coughed politely and told them suits had been prepared for them. After giving Heero directions to the room they were to change in, Quatre left with a smile and a nod at Duo.

"So, whaddya want?" Duo asked Heero casually keeping his voice straight.

"Hilde is here tonight. She came with Relena. Don't avoid her." Heero said nothing more to the disappointed Duo as he led the way up to the rooms.

It was expected that Heero and Duo were to be in suits. It was also expected they be given guns. It was not expected for Duo's suit to be blue pinstripe. Surveying himself in the mirror, Duo could not help but think he looked like a gangster. The suit itself fit like a glove and made Duo look distinguished, something he had thought was impossible, but pinstripe? Heero knocked on the door while Duo was still turning around in front of the mirror.

"Hey Heero, you gotta see this." Duo called. A sigh could be heard as Heero opened the door. "Whaddya think? I'm a regular Al Capone."

"…Who's Al Capone?" Heero asked after a moment.

Duo's jaw fell clear to the floor. _Who's Al Capone?_ Duo smacked himself on the head and turned to look at Heero. As his eyes took in the sleek black suit with the conventional cut that looked sown onto Heero's figure Duo's mouth went dry. Heero stood there slightly annoyed waiting for Duo to say something. When he thought Duo had turned into a statue, Heero asked his question again.

"Who's Al Capone?"

"I can't believe…" Duo began and for the entire trip down to the party did his best to explain the infamous Scar face. He gave up when Heero glared at him and with an exasperated sigh went to seek out the refreshment table. Duo was starved.

Duo found the table at the other side of the ballroom. It was laden down with everything from appetizers to the makings of a seven course meal. His mouth was watering fast enough to fill the Atlantic Ocean. Taking a plate, Duo loaded up with everything he could fit on it and still look part way like a gentleman. At least he had not spilled anything on his suit yet, good thing too because he could not afford to have it cleaned before returning it to Quatre.

Finding a quiet spot to stand, Duo looked around the room. Even though it was half filled, there was hardly anyone Duo even recognized, let alone knew. He certainly did not see Hilde. He stood stock still for about ten minutes waiting for someone he knew to walk by besides Quatre. Duo was beginning to get bored. His food was gone and he had not touched a drop of alcohol since the brandy in Quatre's study. Duo rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling when a familiar red head walked by. Looking up sharply, Duo spied Catherine. She was no doubt here with Trowa.

"Hey, Cathy!" Duo called and waved his arms eliciting many queer looks from the distinguished persons around him. He ignored them though and gave Cathy a wide smile as she came up next to him.

"Hi Duo! Happy Holidays!" Catherine said and gave him one of those little half hug things. "How have you been?"

"I'm great. You?" Duo asked glad to be talking with someone familiar.

"Oh, I've been wonderful. For Christmas Trowa changed his name to Triton for me! I was soo happy!" Catherine beamed.

"Wow, that is good! Where is he? I haven't seen anyone."

"I don't know. He went to talk with Quatre the minute he stepped in the door. Something about the new decree for the war orphans." Catherine said, but she seemed distracted. She was looking at something through an archway. Craning his neck, Duo took a look and saw an elegant looking Sally Po coming towards them with a reluctant Wufei being tugged along.

"Let go of me woman! I'm capable of walking on my own!" Wufei's voice could be heard where Duo stood, causing a hearty laugh from all except the Asian.

"Oh, you big baby!" Sally smiled at him.

"Hey, Wu-man!" Duo greeted.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?" Wufei snapped at him.

Sally and Catherine went off on their own to talk girl talk leaving Duo with the irritated Wufei. Being who he was, Duo could not help teasing the easily annoyed Wufei, just for old time's sake. Wufei got sick of it and stormed off after Sally not too long afterwords. Once again alone, Duo decided to walk around and mingle. He skirted wide the dancing area and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

There were billiards tables set up in one of the parlors or whatever rich people called the room. Duo could not believe they actually named the rooms considering the vast amount of rooms contained in even a baby mansion. It was toward the billiards table on the far right Duo headed. He did not want to be found by Hilde. A part of him wanted to be the one to spot her first, but Duo could not bring himself to seriously look. To his surprise, Quatre and Trowa were at the table he was heading for. Grinning insanely, Duo stalked up behind Quatre and clapped his hands over the blonde Arabian's eyes.

"Guess who?" Duo said.

"Duo." Quatre's prompt reply caused Duo to puppy frown.

"How'd you know?"

"Your voice. Plus you are the only one that would possibly do such a thing." Trowa's logical and still quiet voice turned Duo's attention to him.

"Where's your suit?" Duo asked noticing Trowa was wearing his preferred dark green turtleneck.

"…" Instead of responding, Trowa sank a ball. (Translation for those of you who don't speak dot: Think I'd be caught dead wearing one?)

"I'm stuck in pinstripes and he gets to be comfortable?" Duo said in mock horror as he gestured from Trowa to himself.

Quatre just shrugged, smiled, and handed his stick to Duo. Trowa looked up and Duo could have sworn he was disappointed that Quatre was about to leave. Duo could not really blame him. Trowa traveled with the circus still and even though they were very good friends, he did not get to see Quatre often.

"Well, I guess I should get back to other guests. I'm sorry Triton. I hope it's all right if Duo finishes the game for me?" Quatre asked still playing the polite host.

"Its fine, Quatre. I'll see you again later." Trowa said simply as he sunk another ball.

Duo and Trowa had always gotten along well. It was almost like Trowa was nothing more than a quieter Quatre. Duo knew better than anyone that all the former pilots were vastly different, but he still could not help grouping them together. Trowa and Quatre could tolerate his presence for hours, even days on end, where as Wufei and Heero would certainly strangle him after a given period. He and Trowa caught up on old times rather quick given Trowa's natural quiet nature. Duo respected that and simply commented here and there. In total they played something around six games before Catherine came for Trowa.

"Triton, would you mind coming with me? I need to run out to the car." Catherine asked him grabbing his arm lightly.

"Of course, Cathy." Trowa responded. He nodded a goodbye to Duo and quit the game that he had been winning.

Duo realized he had heard Quatre call Trowa Triton and hoped that if he ever had to do it Duo would remember. He believed that no matter how often they called Trowa by his Triton name, in the minds of the pilots and maybe even Trowa himself, he would always be Trowa Barton instead of Triton Bloom. Catherine sure seemed happy though, and Duo could appreciate happy women. Even if he was homosexual, Duo had always liked to see a happy woman, especially Hilde. When Hilde was happy she would smile and sometimes even cry. Speaking of Hilde, he really should go find her.


	10. Hilde's Anger

**Chapter 3 Hilde's Anger**

He had not gotten very far when Duo spotted her. She was standing with Relena and a small little girl that looked vaguely familiar. Deciding he needed to get it over with, Duo walked up and put his most charming smile on.

"Ladies, how are ya this evening?" Duo asked bowing.

"Hello, Duo. It's good to see you again." Relena said with a warm handshake but a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. Duo hoped it had nothing to do with him.

"Duo." Hilde said and he could see the hurt lingering in her eyes, but it was considerably less.

"Hilde, babe." He said before bowing in front of her and kissing her hand. She gave him a tight smile.

"Mr. Duo, do you still think I'm an angel?" The little girl asked pulling on his pinstripe sleeve.

"Huh?" Duo said stupidly not able to place the girl. She had long, dark purple hair and stunning blue eyes. Then it hit him. "Of course I still think you're an Angel, Natalie was it?"

"You do remember!" The little girl said and smiled. She had braces, but Duo ignored them. "I 'member you too. You're Mr. Heero's friend. Do you know where he is?"

"I'm sorry, Duo. She's wanted to see Heero since we got here." Relena said and squatted down beside the child. "I told you, Natalie. Heero will be here when he gets done being busy."

Duo looked at Hilde who refused to meet his eyes. She was very pretty tonight in a dark blue gown that looked like it was made of velvet. It was strapless and clung to her breasts. It was a lopsided dress with the right side high on Hilde's thigh and the left side nearly dragging the floor. Her hair had grown out since he had last seen her. Now the dark blue locks were cut into a straight bob just barely brushing the top of her shoulders. She had one side swept up and back, held in place with a butterfly clip.

"You look good tonight." Duo attempted to engage her in conversation.

"I wouldn't think you'd be a very good judge." Hilde said a little saucily and Duo could see she was still bitter.  
"Hilde, I can't help what I am, but believe me I didn't want to hurt you. Then or now." Duo said with an exasperated sigh. Hilde's reply was cut off by Natalie once again tugging at his suit.

"Mr. Duo, will you dance with me?" She asked, her face doing one of the best puppy dog faces he had ever seen.

"My, who taught you the puppy dog face? I thought I had the best puppy dog eyes, but, Natalie, yours are 100 cry worthy." Duo said and smiled at her.

"But will you?" Natalie persisted.

Duo leaned down close to the child and picked her up. He put his lips close to her ear and whispered, "I gotta secret."

"What is it?" Natalie whispered back into his ear.

"I don't know how to dance." Duo whispered back enjoying the game. He really did know how to dance, but children loved things like this.

"I'll show you." Natalie whispered back in his ear and leaned back in his arms.

"Really?" Duo asked putting a shocked face on, "You'd do that?"

Natalie nodded her head yes vigorously and smiled at him. Duo glanced at Hilde knowing that he really should stay to talk with Hilde, but what would one dance harm anything.

"Natalie, you have yourself a partner." Duo smiled at her and let her lead him out to the floor.

The music was playing a waltz. Natalie could not have been more than five years old and she only came to about Duo's knee. Duo squatted down so she could show him where to put his hands. Then she showed him the steps very slowly. Duo was surprised to see that she actually knew the correct steps to the waltz. Duo probably looked ridiculous, but Natalie was laughing and seemed to be overjoyed so he did not mind the stares he was getting. Some were from bemused women, probably having children of their own; others were severe frowns from those who believed Duo was acting "in bad form". After the dance ended, Duo picked Natalie up and took her back to Relena and Hilde.

"Duo, I had no idea you were so good with children." Relena said as she took Natalie from him.

"I'm not, Natalie is just good with adults." Duo said with a laugh. "How old is she anyway?"

"She's just about three." Relena told him.

"What?" Duo's jaw dropped a mile. "She's very...um…three?" Duo squeaked.

"Thank you, Duo." Relena smiled wide at him obviously pleased with the compliment. "I think I see Milliardo and Lucrezia. Excuse us. Come along, Natalie."

"Yes, nice seeing you, Duo." Hilde started to follow Relena, but Duo reached out and grabbed her wrist. She yanked it out of his grasp and turned to slap him. Her hand never reached his face. "Let go of me."

"Hilde, we need to talk." Duo said and inclined his head toward the general direction of the gardens.

"Fine, but only because I have some choice words that aren't fit for sophisticated ears." Hilde said and put on a false smile as Duo led her outside.

Duo led Hilde out to the gardens. It was only about eleven yet and the moonlight played softly bringing the "Enchanted Garden" cliché to life. Hilde was extremely tense beside him, but did not say a word until he had led her over to a bench and sat her down. Sitting down beside her, Duo decided it would be best to be serious, just this once.

"Hilde, I'm…" That was as far as Duo got before Hilde opened her mouth.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to just walk up to me like that with no warning at all and then had the gall to kiss my hand and call me "babe" just like nothing ever happened! Who do you think you are, Duo Maxwell?"

"I…I'm…I never…God, Hilde what do you want me to say? It's not like I did anything wrong!" Duo held his arms out completely unable to think of anything to say.

"What do I want you to say? I want you to say 'Hilde, I'm an idiot, a selfish bastard that led you on and played with your affections so I could laugh at your pain!' That's what I want you to say because you goddamn know it's the truth you asshole!"

Duo did a double take. He had never known Hilde to swear so much or speak so forcefully. She looked ready to claw his eyes out, and at the same time ready to cry him a river of tears. He had no idea what to say except things he had already said.

"Hilde, I did not mean to hurt you or lead you on. I don't know where you got those ideas! Hell, if anything I was grateful to you. You took me in after the war, tolerated my childish behavior, gave me a job and a life! The most important thing you gave me is a friend and I'll never be able to repay you for that." Duo told her.

"You selfish ass, you flirted with me, made me think you liked me, made me love you!" Hilde was becoming hysterical. Duo wondered how such a petite woman could feel so extra-largely.

"I flirted with you yes, but did I ever make a pass at you?" Duo asked her in a quiet voice.

"Yes!" Hilde sobbed. She punched him in the arm slightly and Duo could tell her anger was fading. She never could stay angry with him long.

"Name one time." Duo challenged her.

He waited for Hilde to name a moment he had hit on her, but she could not come up with anything. Duo had taken her dancing, out to eat, to amusement parks, but never once had he touched her inappropriately, tried to kiss her, or even looked at her with "that" look. Hilde did not want to admit it though, so she just continued to cry. Duo pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"I'm sorry I caused you so much pain, and I should have told you about me from the beginning, but I couldn't. I'd kept it a secret for so long." Duo said truthfully.

"You're being serious aren't you?" Hilde looked at him a little incredulously and took the handkerchief to wipe her face. The tears had smeared her make-up, but Duo thought she looked better without it anyway.

"Yeah, and it's hard. See what I go through for you." Duo joked.

"You're such an ass." Hilde said unable to hold back a laugh. "I want to be angry with you still but I can't. I've been bottling it up and it feels good to get it out."

"Friends?" Duo asked and held out his arms for a hug. Hilde stayed where she was and Duo lowered his arms.

"Friends, but it's too soon, Duo." Hilde said before handing him back the handkerchief now stained with mascara.

"Whatever you say, babe." Duo said and smiled. Hilde stood up indicating she wanted to leave. Playing the gentleman, Duo stood up and held out an arm to escort her. They had not walked two steps before Hilde suddenly turned and slapped him hard across the face.

"Owww! What was that for?" Duo asked rubbing his cheek.

"For taking so long." Hilde said and walked off with a smile on her lips leaving Duo to rub at his cheek.

"Taking so long to do what?" Duo asked himself.

Duo once again headed for the party. He checked the watch Quatre had provided with his suit. It was a nice watch, gold with a long chain. One of those old watches that went in a tiny pocket on his vest instead of around his wrist. Duo had a little trouble getting it out, the pocket was so tiny, but once he did it seemed that only fifteen minutes had gone by. It was still only 11:15. _Not that I should care. I don't have anyone to kiss._ Duo thought to himself as he thought longingly of Heero. _One in a million chance, Duo. One in a million._ Duo chided himself before getting back inside.

He no more than walked in the door than a little, dark-haired girl appeared at his elbow to pull at his suit. Duo looked down at Natalie and then up to see Noin chasing after her.

"Mr. Duo, hide me. Mommy says I have to get ready for bed, but it's not twelve yet."

She looked so sweetly urgent that Duo immediately swept her behind his legs and out of Noin's sight. He was looking very innocent when a slightly out of breath Noin came up to him.

"Duo, did you see what way my little girl went? She hates getting ready for bed."

Duo thought for a minute just to make it believable. "I don't remember seeing a little girl run by here. I saw her earlier though, she was by the big fountain in the main hallway. Maybe you'll find her there."

"Thanks. Happy New Year's, Duo." Noin said before hurrying away. When she was out of sight, Duo turned around and squatted down beside Natalie.

"So, are ya gonna tell me why I've risked your mommy's anger?" Duo asked her.

"I gotta stay up 'till mid..midnight." Natalie told him tripping over the last word.

"And what happens at twelve? Do you turn into a regular little girl like Cinderella?" Duo asked her.

"No, that's silly!" Natalie playfully swatted Duo on the arm. "Mr. Heero said he'd dance with me at twelve."

"Oh, in that case, I think you'd be safest with Heero. Where is he?" Duo asked her.

"Mr. Heero and Aunt Lena went to talk. They told me to stay with mommy because it was an adult only talk. I think they went to the lab…laber...anth…labyrinth." Natalie said a little unsure of how to say the word, but eventually getting it out.

"Well, we'd better hurry before mommy spots you." Duo said and picked Natalie up. He knew what she was talking about. It may be a labyrinth to her, but to him it was merely a hedge maze about waist high. If Heero went there to talk with Relena, and no doubt he wanted to talk privately, then they had to be at the center. In the very middle of Quatre's hedge maze was a pavilion surrounded by a small pond. It looked very Japanese and would explain why Heero would want to go there. That and it had always been one of his favorite spots. Duo knew this because of his insatiable curiosity that often called for that thing people call eavesdropping. He momentarily wondered if he should be corrupting a child in such a way, but grinned at the thought that Zech's kid might grow up to share some of Duo's habits. It would serve Zechs right.


	11. Eavesdropping

**Part IV Chapter 1 Eavesdropping **

Being very quiet, Duo and Natalie swiftly made their way through the hedge maze. At first, Natalie had looked from left to right wondering which way was the right way, but Duo knew better. Not only had Quatre designed the maze for all ways to lead to the center, but there was an even faster, more direct way. Duo picked Natalie up around the waist and lowered her on the other side of the hedge then vaulted himself over. Natalie would have clapped her hands and laughed, but a look from Duo warned her to stay quiet. This was the way to reach the center the fastest and with time running out before midnight, Duo knew Natalie and he had to fly.

They were just outside of the center when voices became audible. Duo easily recognized Relena's somber tones and Heero's smooth, if emotionless, monotone. Natalie seemed to not hear them yet and was looking at Duo with a curious look as though to ask him why they stopped. Duo put a finger to his lips to emphasize the need to be quiet and lifted Natalie over the last hedge. After getting over himself, Duo motioned for her to listen. The voices were naturally low and hushed, but Natalie could now hear them. Duo could hear more clearly than ever even if a two foot thick wall of dense bush separated him from the pond and the pavilion in the middle.

Natalie pulled Duo's sleeve and motioned for him to come down close to her. She wanted to tell him something. Hoping Heero would not hear with his soldier's ears, Duo squatted down beside her.

"Can we see them?" Natalie asked.

Duo thought for a moment before nodding. Adrenaline was beginning to pump through him at the familiar feeling of playing a prank rushed through him. He had played a practical joke on Wufei here once and to do it Duo had made a small hole in the hedge so he could see inside. Leading Natalie to the right, Duo ran his hand against the wall silently, but so he would be able to feel the depression where the hole should be. He found it and checked his watch. _11:40…enough time to watch a little before jumping them._

Duo had to pick Natalie up and balance her on one knee so she could see through the hole. Over here, the voices were crystal clear, but Duo was not paying attention to the conversation. He put his lips next to Natalie's ear and whispered as loudly as he dared.

"What're they doing?"

"Aunt Lena is saying something to Mr. Heero. They are standing in some kinda thingy on a lake. Mr. Heero is facing Aunt Lena, but she's looking at the pond, I think."

"That sounds like her. What's happening now?" Duo asked.

"She's turned around. Aunt Lena is still saying something, but I can't hear it. Whatever it is, it's hurting Mr. Heero."

"What?" Duo said a little too loudly for his liking, but Natalie answered him without alarm. Whatever was happening, Heero and Relena were too wrapped up in it to notice his outburst.

"His body is all stiff like a dead person." Natalie looked at him. "See for yourself."

Duo moved to look into the hole. What he saw was a stiff Heero holding a half fallen Relena. She must have tripped. Heero was helping her up. Once standing, Relena did not take her arms from around Heero's neck. To Duo's infinite annoyance, Relena stepped even closer and rested her head on Heero's shoulder. Heero's hands were resting on her waist and though he was still stiff, he did not move away. Duo must have made some kind of strangled sound because Natalie whispered something in his ear, but Duo was riveted on the scene before him. He was straining to hear the pair's words.

"Heero, you are so strong. I don't know what I would do without you, because you see, your strength is my strength." Relena said with her head still resting on Heero's shoulder.

"Relena, I…" Heero started but Relena cut him off by placing a finger on his lips.

"Shhh, let me finish." Duo wanted to rip her finger off for touching his Prussian-Eyed god's lips, but she was much too far away. Instead he waited for her to continue. "I've wanted to say this for so long, if you stop me I might not get it all out."

Relena picked her head up and looked into Heero's eyes while Duo glared daggers at her. "During the wars I had no time to pursue interests of my own, I was to busy balancing the fate of the colonies and the earth upon my shoulders, but now…I'm still busy, but no where near as much. I have time to think of myself and my own pleasure. I have time to consider things that are important to me, that I like, that I love."

Relena paused and looked right into Heero's soul. Duo stopped listening because no one said anything more. Natalie was now whispering a bit loud and pulling frantically on his sleeve, but all Duo could think of was Heero. _Pull away, please pull away. _Instead of pulling away, Heero spoke.

"What are you saying?" He asked her.

"Heero, I'm saying that I…" Relena was lost for words momentarily before she took a breath even Duo could see and plowed on. "I love you."

Duo almost laughed. The situation was so familiar. It was almost like it was he and Hilde again, except he had felt bad about Hilde and she had hated him for a while. Duo was sure that was not the way it would be with Heero and Relena. Heero would matter-of-factly inform Relena in his emotionless monotone that he did not love her. Relena would look away, pull out of Heero's arms, gather herself, put on the famous Peacecraft smile and try to act like nothing had happened. She and Heero would go on in the same relationship they had always had, that of a client/bodyguard or, at times, that of close friends. Duo just had to wait for Heero to speak.

Heero opened his mouth, but did not speak. As Duo watched, Relena pushed herself up and captured Heero's lips in a kiss. Heero tensed up but did not take his hands from her waist and most definitely did not pull away or make any move to stop her. It was like a scene from some of the sappy movies Hilde had always watched. The couple takes some kind of moonlight stroll, stop by a charming scene by a lake or maybe a bench in a park and confess the love they have for each other, then they kiss. It looked just like that, Heero and Relena standing there in a picturesque embrace, partially hidden under the pavilion with the water sparkling with moonlight as though it were alive, acting as though there was nothing in the world but them. It was a picture that would make any woman or hopeless romantic sigh at the pure love, but Duo pulled away from the hole as though struck.

Duo sat on his ass where he landed, Natalie looking very worried at him. Far off the came a loud cheering. Numbly, Duo looked at his watch. It was midnight. It was midnight on New Year 's Eve and instead of being surrounded by a million meaningless kisses, Duo had watched his Heero kiss the biggest bitch in the world. Hearing the cheering Natalie turned to him and whispered.

"Mr. Duo, is it twelve?"

Duo took a moment to answer past the lump in his throat. "Yeah, you'd better go get Heero. Door's that way."

Duo pointed to his right and watched long enough for an excited Natalie to round the corner. The second she was out of sight, Duo sprang up and ran right through the hedge maze, uncaring of the damage he was causing. He ran back to Quatre's mansion and up the stairs. Many quests stopped to stare at him, but unlike earlier, Duo was very happy not to run into somebody he knew. _Please, if there is a God and he's hearing me, please let me get to the study before I start to feel again._ Duo silently prayed.

Down the hall, turn the corner, down another hall, they all seemed to melt together as Duo raced toward Quatre's private study. He was running so fast that Duo hit the door face first when he finally reached it. Hoping no one was inside, Duo opened the door and went in. The first thing that registered in Duo's brain was black. The room was complete dark, there was not even a fire burning. Somewhere a sigh of relief sounded, and Duo looked about wondering if there were someone else standing with him in the darkened room, but he quickly realized it was his own sigh. Somehow, it was better with the room dark. A fire would have been too comfortable for some reason. Pain and comfort did not mix.

Stumbling his way over to Quatre's liquor cabinet, Duo felt for the handle. Finding it, he yanked not caring whether he broke a lock if there even was one. The door came open hitting him in the face yet again.

"FUCK!"

Rubbing his nose with one hand, Duo reached into the cabinet with the other and pulled out the first bottle he touched. He did not bother with a glass, but quietly stumbled his way to the chair he had sat in just a few oblivious hours ago sipping brandy. Sitting down heavily, Duo let himself feel. The first thing he felt was an incredible pain. It was like being hit over and over by one of those big demolition balls that are on cranes, but this pain was worse. It was on the inside and Duo could not put any amount of cream on it to make it go away. Tears sprang to Duo's eyes and he let them fall. Here, in a darkened room, with a bottle of something in his hand and a big ball slamming him into a wall over and over again there was no reason to hide behind his mask of good-natured humor. Duo put his one hand over his face and just cried. The pain was so intense, he could almost feel his soul, something completely intangible, ripping physically into tiny pieces.

_ Oh, God! Is this how Hilde felt?_ Duo found the stray thought filtering through his pain and pushed it away. He did not want to think, or feel, or anything. Duo just wanted to be numb. He wanted the steel ball to hit something else. He wanted his soul to just leave and get it over with. He wanted to shut down and never feel again. He wanted to die. _Ha, you've tried that already. It's never worked remember…_ Duo's thoughts taunted him.

"Well, I know one way to die, at least kill these stupid feelings." Duo told the voice in the darkness.

"_Did you think he would run to you?" _The voice reverberated around the room, mocking Duo. It would not have been so bad if the voice had not been his own.

"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" Duo yelled at the voice and raised the bottle.

"_You can't escape from your own thoughts._ _I will always be here._" The voice laughed at Duo.

Unscrewing the cap, Duo raised the bottle of liquor to his lips and took a sip. The liquid seared a path down his throat to rest comfortingly in his stomach. "Tequila? Yeah, Tequila! See if this doesn't shut you up!"

With that, Duo raised the bottle and took a long draft. Eventually, the voice in the dark was drowned by the tequila as was everything else. During some point, the darkness of the room and the darkness of oblivion melded. Duo was unaware and barely conscious when the bottle slipped from his hand. It bounced on the floor once and lay there. In the moonlight that crept into the room, the bottom of the bottle could be seen, completely dry.


	12. Tequila Torture

**Chapter 2 Tequila Torture **

"Duo, Duo wake up."

Someone was calling to him. Duo could also feel a slight shaking and with each shake something went through his head, a dull, aching type of pain.

"Duo, you have to wake up."

"Unhhhh." Duo moaned grumpily. He did not want to wake up. Something told him that waking up would be painful. The cavity where his brain was supposed to be felt like it was all liquid, as though his brain had melted and dripped out of his ear or something. The only thing it left behind was pain. Every time he was shaken, the shake shot up his head and shattered into a bunch of tiny pieces, each one sharp. The pieces kept biting Duo inside, right behind his eyes. It hurt, but not the kind of pain his body was telling him he was hiding from. The pain that Duo would have to face if he woke up.

"C'mon, Duo, wake up. Triton, Heero and I have been looking all over for you. Natalie said you were hurt."

The shaking was getting more persistent making the pieces smaller and more numerous. His head hurt more and more each time the shaking was repeated. Words went through his mind, darting this way and that to avoid the pain pieces until they made it to the part of his brain that was still making sense of his thoughts. _Triton? Who…Trowa…. Natalie…she's such…cutie pie…Aunt Lena…_Here Duo's inside voice laughed causing the pain pieces to dart even faster to bite him, forcing Duo to stop laughing. _Heero…something…_as Heero's name went through his head the pieces stopped being painful and started slowly circling around each other. They were forming some sort of ball, keeping something from Duo. Hiding something from him, shouting to him that he did not want to know what it was.

"He appears just to be drunk." Another voice, different from the one trying to wake him stretched toward Duo.

The voice entered Duo's mind and began circling the smaller pain pieces like a shark circles its prey. The raised questions in Duo, questions as to why he was drunk, curiosity began stirring in Duo. _Why am I drunk? _Duo asked the pieces huddled in a ball, hiding something from him. They darted into an even tighter ball, fiercely keeping him from seeing what was inside. The pieces cried out to him not to look, that to look was pain, immense pain, but the other voice that questioned saw another thought floating in the void of Duo's brain. _Heero…_the questioning voice grasped the thought and flung it toward the pain pieces. It crashed into the ball and wriggled around, but was not strong enough to burst through. _Maybe if I open my eyes…_Duo thought.

Slowly, Duo opened one eye, it was odd, the vision that he saw. The open eye could see bleary shapes, forms that had no meaning for Duo. The other eye, the one still closed, held onto the image of the pieces, still protecting the ball with the questioning voice attempting to push the Heero thought into the midst of whatever the pain pieces were protecting. As Duo opened the other eye he could see some of the pain pieces falling away from the ball, but still not enough to allow the Heero thought inside, before the image was gone and Duo was left staring up with unfocused eyes.

"He's awake." A blurry white blob sitting close to him said. "I still can't believe he drank an entire bottle of pure tequila."

"Ugh! Not so loud." Duo whispered as the white blob's voice shouted through his mind. Blinking rapidly, Duo was able to make out a green and white blob standing slightly behind the white one. It looked as though he was holding something.

"The bottle is testament enough." The green and white blob said.

Duo recognized the voice. It was the question voice that had fought to get through the pain pieces. Now that he thought, the other voice, the white blob's voice, was the waking voice. They were still very loud.

"Duo, are you all right?" The waking voice, white blob asked.

"I will be…when I can see again…and think." Duo said and put a hand to his head. He blinked again and this time was rewarded with a clearing of his vision. He looked again at the blobs. The white one was now a white one, with a washed out yellow top and blue crystal things. Another blink and the blurry outline of Quatre came into view. A few more blinks and Duo could see the Arabian pilot clearly. Looking around, Duo also saw Trowa who was holding the bottle of tequila Duo had downed. He was still in the study, but now a fire was burning softly in the grate. Shadows danced all around the room throwing sharp contrasts over the faces of his friends. Trowa was a mystery, his face completely dark, and his back to the fire with his hands in his pockets. Quatre was facing toward the fire on Duo's one side, his face and the worry in it clearly illuminated in the flame light.

"How long have I been dead?" Duo smiled weakly at his own joke. That is how he felt anyway.

"None of us know. We couldn't find you." Quatre said gently. Duo was glad he was not shouting anymore.

Duo put the heel of his hands into his eyes and rubbed them. "What time is it?"

"It's about 2:30." Trowa said. Duo was once again glad no one was shouting anymore.

"In the afternoon?" Duo asked confused.

"In the morning." Came a new voice. Duo froze when he heard it. The image was back before his eyes. It was as though a strobe light had been turned on. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. One second the image of the Heero thought trying to break through the pain pieces' protective ball, the next second a new shadow emerging from the dark to stand on Duo's left opposite of Quatre.

One Mississippi, image. Two Mississippi, step. Three Mississippi, image. Four Mississippi, step. Five Mississippi, image. That was the way Duo watched as Heero stepped out of the room's shadows and came to stand beside him. There was a light in Heero's eyes, something Duo did not understand. He did not say anything to Duo, just looked at him with that light shining in his eyes, mocking the dark spot in Duo's brain. Trying to illuminate the protected place in Duo's brain just like the Heero thought was trying to burst in. Then Heero opened his mouth as though to say something, but did not. That was when it happened. The last of the pain pieces fell away as the Heero thought smashed its way through the protective circle to the memory inside.

In his mind's eye, Duo saw Heero open his mouth to say something, only to have it claimed by a pair of lips that did not belong to Duo. Hurt, anger, pain, love, hurt, betrayal, pain…all swirled inside of Duo. He was unable to say anything to Heero, but hoped that the glare he gave him was sufficient. Heero certainly seemed affected by it, because he averted his gaze. Quatre noticed the byplay and attempted to break the silence in the room.

"Duo, is there anything you need? A drink?"

"Yeah, there's something I need. I need a new body, I'm sick of being Duo."

Everyone was puzzled by Duo's response except Duo himself. He was sick to death of being him, sick of loving Heero in fruitless hope, sick of being the "Fun" one, sick of being hurt, but most of all, sick of being alone. Duo sat with his hands on his head, holding it to keep it from breaking apart from the pressure of all the thoughts and feelings being corked up inside it. He could hear someone walking across the room and opening a door. There was a clink and a click as the door to whatever was closed, then the steps came in front of Duo. Duo sat back and looked up at Trowa, still holding a bottle of tequila, but this one was full. Trowa dropped it in Duo's lap and gave him an understanding look, before he walked out. The light from the hallway spilled into the room as Trowa opened the door.

"Quatre, your guests are waiting." Trowa said quietly, waiting in the doorway.

"Hm…yes, I can't stay gone too long, the burdens of a host." Quatre said with a smile. "

It was then Duo understood. Trowa somehow knew he needed to be alone with Heero. Trowa had given Duo the only help he could as a friend. As Duo watched Quatre get up and leave him alone with Heero, he understood what his options were. Duo could talk to Heero and resolve his feelings, or he could wait for Heero to leave and once again search for himself at the bottom of a bottle. Duo was silent, thinking, waiting for an indication from Heero, a sign to let him know what he should do.

An image of Hilde came to his mind, the one from earlier when she had looked at him so heatedly. _Will that be me if I don't talk to him? What if I can't talk to him? How do I explain my problem without letting him know how I feel? _Questions went in one of Duo's ears and out the other, unanswered. _I won't end up like her. We may never be as good of friends as we once were all because we couldn't talk to one another. We couldn't because of…what? What were we scared of?_ Duo's mind was made up in that instant. No matter how painful, embarrassing, hateful, whatever, this conversation was going to take place and there was no time like the present.


	13. Aishiteru

**Chapter 3 Aishiteru **

"Heero." Duo started not knowing what to really say.

"Yes, Duo." Heero turned his eyes back to Duo and locked their gazes. Duo could not decide whether it would be easier to say what he had to say with Heero's beautiful gaze reminding him of what he could not have or if it would be harder. Then again, Duo did not even know what he had to say. His mind raced, grasping for anything. _Maybe I just need to stop thinking and simply talk._

"I saw you with Relena." Duo blurted out. _Gee, that was a great idea._

"I know. Natalie told us about it." Heero said.

"I ran away." Duo blurted again. _Sheesh! I'm like a little kid! Not that it's any easier with Mr. Talkative struggling to get a word in._

"Why?" Heero asked him.

"Because…I…" Duo was at a loss for words. How could he tell Heero that he had run because he loved Heero and could not take seeing Heero kiss someone else.

"Duo, what exactly did you see?" Heero prompted him seeing that Duo was struggling with some thought or another.

"I saw you lock lips with Aunt Lena." Duo said in a mocking and hurt-filled tone.

"She kissed me. I did not kiss her." Heero stated in his monotone.

Duo was silent, digesting what Heero had said. "No, I saw it, you…well…" _Uh oh, he's right. I hate to admit it but she reached up to him. He didn't try to stop her though…_ "You didn't stop her!"

It was painfully aware, at least to Duo, that he was acting like a school boy who had just caught his girl with someone else. Duo even found himself pouting and had to concentrate hard to stop the automatic reflex. He watched as Heero's eyes changed slightly, softened. The light was still there, but now it was brighter, triumphant. Angrily, Duo realized that he was once again beginning to hope.

"Women are fragile, you should know that. I could not just fling her away, but I did not kiss her back." Heero said patiently.

"You…you didn't?" Duo asked. When he realized how he sounded, Duo tried to cover it, "Why not? You like her don't you?"

Heero sighed and Duo could swear it was from exasperation. "Like her, yes. Love her, no."

"So what happened?" Duo asked. _How did I become so kid sounding? No, not kid, but jealous sounding. Don't let him figure it out._ Duo silently prayed even as he knew Heero would have to be an idiot not to realize what Duo's actions meant.

"She kissed me. I told her I did not love her. Natalie ran up to us and told us you were hurt. I told her to find Quatre and Triton and tell them. They met me and searched for you. We found you here, passed out with an empty bottle of tequila and attempted to wake you. Mission accomplished."

Heero's monotone had the same effect on Duo as the remembered sounds of Deathscythe's engines, comfort. He had said everything in an objective manner as though it had been someone else. Duo found that much, much easier to respond to. At least he would have if Duo could think.

"Oh,…" Was all Duo could manage.

Silence fell upon the room. Duo wondered what to say next. He wondered if Heero had guessed his secret. He wondered if Heero would hate him because of the way he felt. He wondered if Heero would get up and leave before Duo could say anything. Duo was so lost in thought, he almost did not hear Heero's whisper.

"Huh?"

"I said…" Heero began with a look of annoyed patience, "aishiteru."

"What does that mean anyway?" Duo asked a little annoyed himself. _Why would Heero bring that word up at a time like this?_

"It means…I…love you."

Heero averted his gaze as though he was the gay one who had just confessed his love. _Wait a minute…isn't that what he just did?_ A confused voice inside of Duo whispered to him. Duo looked at Heero with his mouth hanging open in the classic "WHAT?" position. Heero kept his eyes averted, suddenly very interested in the fire. Duo reached out to touch his cheek. No, not Duo, but Duo's body. It was as though something had taken over, something was inside of him reaching through Duo's body to make him reach out and touch Heero's cheek. It was a feeling, the same feeling that had made Duo call Heero and invite him over for Christmas.

When the feeling controlling Duo reached out and touched Heero's cheek, Duo was aware of being outside, like he was temporarily kicked out of his body. There was an eerie sense of watching himself and Heero from across the room. Duo could see the red upholstered chair his body was sitting in. There was a black stand next to him with a lamp on it and a book, no doubt for when Quatre had time to read and relax. Heero was kneeling on the beautiful oriental carpet in front of Duo's body. The forgotten bottle of tequila sitting wedged in between Duo's leg and the side of the chair. Somewhere in Duo's mind, the thought that he should be able to feel the bottle, feel his fingers touching Heero, crept into Duo's consciousness, but try as he might he could not. The feeling was still in control and Duo was still kicked out to watch from across the room.

"You mean that?" Duo's body asked with Duo's voice.

"…" Heero remained silent but the light in his eyes was shining brighter than ever. (Translation for those of you who don't speak dot: What do you think?)

"How long?" Duo's body asked.

"Does it matter?" Heero asked.

No, it did not matter, not to Duo anyway. Duo saw his body shake his head. What really mattered was Heero had said it, admitted it, and now it was Duo's turn. He did not feel it would be right for only his body to tell Heero, but he could not figure out how to get back to his body. _I demand to be let back in, back in control! _Duo thought viciously and almost immediately there he was. He was seeing out of his own eyes again, looking into Heero's luminous Prussian orbs. The heat in the room was intense, and the seriousness of the moment pressed on Duo making him silent. He and Heero just stared at each other, one waiting to hear something, the other waiting to be able to say it. Duo could feel himself drifting away from his body again and snapped out of the silence. _No! I will be the one to say it, not a shell!_

"I have been waiting forever to hear you say that. God! I've loved you for so long." Duo said and realized he was quoting some movie or other that Hilde had made him watch. It was the woman's line, but it just seemed to fit so perfectly. "There's just one thing more I don't understand."

"…" (Translation for those of you who don't speak dot: What?)

"The knife, I don't get the knife." Duo said amazed it could still be bugging him at a time like this. "Where does the knife fit in?"

"It's the one from the mission. The one you used to save my life. It's important because that was the mission I realized…I really did love you. Until then I'd been confused, emotions are like that."

"But the blade, it can't be the same knife." Duo exclaimed.

Heero gave a sigh and shook his head slightly. "I've fixed it up. It was important to me. It is the reminder of when I first admitted what I felt to myself."

Heero had just showed Duo more raw emotion than Duo could ever remember him showing before. That pleased Duo to no end. The hand on Heero's cheek moved to cup his jaw line. Duo rubbed his thumb gently over Heero's lips and watched Heero's eyes darken and yet glow bright with a light from within. The same light Duo had noticed before only now he knew what it meant. Heero's arms snaked around Duo's waist and pulled him forward. It was good Heero knew what he wanted and was able to move, Duo felt like he could have been a rag doll. Duo was pulled forward out of the chair and onto his knees before Heero. He kept tracing the lines of Heero's lips with one hand and placed the other on Heero's chest. The hard planes of Heero's muscled chest rose and fell irregularly, and now that he was close Duo could feel Heero's breath, heavy and ragged against him.

Resting on his knees in front of Heero, Duo moved his arm until he could feel the smoothness of Heero's back and shoulders. He could feel it right through the tight suit Quatre had given Heero wear. Heero's eyes had not once left Duo's, but his hands had gone from Duo's waist and roamed up his back pressing Duo ever closer to him. Heero pressed Duo against him until the thumb that was tracing Heero's lips was so close that Duo could feel it against his own lips as it passed by. Having rocked back on the floor, and with his constant, slow pressure, Heero had maneuvered Duo off his feet so that he was straddling Heero's lap slightly. Letting Heero take his weight completely, Duo sat straddling Heero fully. The downward movement was enough to bring their lips together.

The kiss was sweet, it was intense, it was passionate, it made Duo's head spin painfully with the tequila still affecting him, but Duo did not want it to stop. Heero held Duo close to him in a crushing embrace and seemed to inhale him. Duo got the distinct feeling that Heero had starved for him, was kissing him with the passion with which a parched man might drink. Heero's lips moved delicately on his own at first, unsure of whether the contact was welcome, but Duo encouraged it. Duo held Heero just as tightly and drank from him just as thirstily. After a while he was unsure of who was the most starved. As the kiss deepened and each let their feelings for the other fully emerge they seemed to devour one another. Duo was scared to move his body for fear that Heero would stop. His arms were behind Heero, clamped on Heero's shoulders like a drowning man to a life preserver. In a way, Heero was his life preserver, the reason Duo had been able to keep hope alive the last few miserable months of his life.

Everything was forgotten as he and Heero explored their feelings that night. Duo could hardly believe that finally, after all this time, his god was with him. They eventually got up and made it to the couch to cuddle and watch the fire. Heero fell asleep first, holding Duo as though he would vanish, maybe even afraid that it had all been a dream. Duo was tucked under Heero's one arm watching the light play across his features. The face that seemed to be glued behind the mask of the perfect soldier was very peaceful in sleep. Once Duo had tried to get up to get a glass of brandy, but Heero had frowned in his sleep and held Duo tighter. Not wanting Heero to wake up or be anything but peaceful in sleep, Duo snuggled back into Heero's side and was content. He fell asleep for the second time that night, only this time he was drowsy with love and Heero's body warmth instead of the artificial comfort of late night tequila, and that was just fine with Duo. More than fine, things were perfect.

"Now this is what I call a happy new year."


End file.
